


I Will Try To Love You

by ryoku



Category: Aldnoah.Zero (Anime)
Genre: Abuse, Gen, Merchild Slaine, The questionable morals of intelligent pets?, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-23 14:50:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 39,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3772285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryoku/pseuds/ryoku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They keep calling him a pet. He doesn't know what that means, but he knows he doesn't like it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Slaine

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to all those wonderful, horrible people who draw Merman Slaine. I'm not naming names, but you know who you are. _This is all their fault._

They keep calling him a pet. He doesn't know what that means, but he knows he doesn't like it. 

They keep him in a see through thing of water, that they call a tank. It is too small, there is hardly enough water for him, and it gets murky within a few days. If he was fully grown, it wouldn't hold him, but he is not, so it does. There is also no salt in the water. It made him sick at first, but he's gotten used to it. He still hates it though.

He hisses and snarls at any of them that get to close, because he doesn't want them to reach into his small bit of stale water again. The last time, they grabbed him and pulled him out as he hissed and screeched at them, and tried to bite. They shoved something in his mouth so that he couldn't snap at them. As he thrashed his tail and tried to get them to let him go, they grabbed his flailing hands, and slowly ripped out his claws one by one. Then, once they were done they dropped him back into his small bit of water, and took the thing out of his mouth. 

He should have bit them then. He had the perfect opportunity as they took out the thing in his mouth, but he was too busy looking at his hands in horror and whimpering. His fingers were just stubby, useless things now, no good for tearing or ripping, and they'd hurt like nothing he'd ever felt. He'd been shocked then, astounded and frightened at such cruelty. Now, he looks at his hands sometimes, and wonders if he's ever going to be able to hunt again. He wasn't good at it before, but he was getting better. He had been learning. Now, it probably doesn't matter. Humans never return what they take. He's afraid that his teeth will be next, so he hides in the farthest corner of the tank they've put him in. It isn't really hiding, because they can see him from everywhere, but it's as close as he can get. 

The humans scare him, he has no idea why his father thought they were so interesting. They're cruel. No normal predator would play so much with their food. Killer whales will play with their food for a while, but when they get tired, they eat it. He doesn't know if the humans are going to eat him, but it has been at least ten nights, and they have not. Some of the humans like to scare him, and torment him for fun. They bang on the glass so hard that it makes the whole thing rattle, and when he flops away from them in fright -because swimming in such a small space is very hard- they chase him around the tank, because there's no where for him to hide from them. He tries to scare them back, hissing and snarling at them, but they just laugh at him. He's still small, he isn't scary yet. He did manage to scare one, once, but he found that was a bad idea. The one he scared kicked the tank so hard, that it tipped over. What precious little water he had, had started to pour out, and he wailed and screeched in distress. He thinks it made the human feel better to see him so upset, so the human eventually stopped, and righted the tank, but it had frightened him. He doesn't try to scare the humans anymore. The only time he snarls at them, is when they get to close, which is all the time. They are never far enough away, but if they aren't too close, he stays as quiet as he can. Sometimes, if he's quiet, they won't look at him, or make their ugly faces at him. 

He has decided that humans are evil things. He'd never thought of anything as evil before, but is sure that humans are evil. Even predators have to eat, they kill for good reasons. Humans don't seem to need to kill, they just do what they want. He has no idea if they want something from him, or if they are just being mean because they can. They're unnatural, evil, and cruel. 

He is convinced of that one simple fact, until he meets the girl. The girl is small, smaller than him, and she is beautiful. It is a strange thing to see such a beautiful human, because humans are not beautiful things. She is still beautiful. 

They give him to her. He is her pet, he hears them say that. He hates humans, and he hates the word pet, but he has a hard time hating the girl. Her eyes sparkle, and she smiles, and she is beautiful. He almost hopes that she is nice, unlike the other humans, but he is then reminded that she is human. All humans are evil. When she presses her hands to the glass, and peers in at him he retreats to the other side of the tank. 

Her voice is high, like that of a bird, as she looks at him, and asks questions. Humans make a lot of noise, he can only pick out some words that they repeat a lot: like pet, and like tank. For creatures that are so mean and violent, they make a lot of noise with one another. 

At the end of their noise making, he and the tank are moved. He hates when the tank is moved, it reminds him of when he lost all that water, of drying up, of falling. He curls up, and hides his head in his tail fin, waiting till they are done moving him. It takes a long time, but when they finally put him down, he slowly looks up. 

The first thing he notices, is the sky. The beautiful blue sky stretches above him. The large human caves get in the way, but he can see the sky, and that is more than he ever thought he'd see again. When the humans move him around a lot, they usually cover the tank with something, so that no light gets in. It's frightening, to be in a place so dark. It reminds him of when he ventured to deep, where no light reaches. He hadn't seen the sky since they dragged him out of the ocean. 

For a long time, he just stays like that, curled in on himself, and looking up at the sky. He's still anxious, he still gnaws on his fingers nervously, but the sky is there, looking down on him, and he's looking up at it, and it is better. 

Later, when the sky is changing colors, the girl returns, and she is not alone. He had been so absorbed with looking at the sky, that he hadn't looked at anything else. He is frightened again the minute he hears the sound of human feet. He scurries to the far end of the tank. It isn't very effective, but it's all that he can do, as his heart starts to race. 

The girl smiles at him, but there are two big men next to her, and even if the girl isn't frightening, they are. She makes noises at him, noises he doesn't understand, as he stares at her with worry and suspicion on his face. She then motions to the two big men. They move towards him, and he pushes himself as far away from them he can. It doesn't matter, they're going to do what they want. Their long arms are going to reach in for him, no matter what he wants, but he can't help the impulse. He screeches at them, telling them to go away, but humans either don't understand him, or don't care. 

Their hands don't reach into the tank, but they settle on it. It is with fear that he realizes they are going to turn the tank. They're going to spill his murky water. Then he really starts screeching at them. He's almost tempted to reach up and try and bite one of them, but fear roots him to the bottom of the tank, pressing down as tightly as he can. He is reminded that he doesn't have claws, as his useless stubby fingers paw helplessly at the sides of the tank. 

In one great rush, his fears are confirmed, the tank tips, and then falls on its side. He has just enough time to be surprised, before he is suddenly emerged in water again. But this water is different. It still doesn't have salt, but it is big. It has rocks and plants at the bottom, and it is so much bigger than the small tank. Maybe most importantly, it doesn't have see through walls. It's made of stone, and normal things. Without a second thought, he swims around, overjoyed to be able to move like he's suppose to. He'd felt so wretched, so weak, and so ill in that small little tank, but he can feel those things slipping away from him as he is able to swim back and forth. The water isn't very big, but it's big enough. There are things to look at, and places to hid, and plants to play in. 

He wants to sing with joy. He never thought he'd be in such a place again. He was sure that the humans were going to eat him, or just hurt him until he died. It isn't perfect, it isn't the ocean, but it will do. 

He's swimming around in excitement, when he hears a human noise, and looks up. There is a strip of land, that goes over the water, and on the strip of land, is the girl. She is looking down on him, her eyes sparkling, a smile still on her face. He should hide. He should find the most secluded part of the pond, and hide there every time she or any human comes to this place. He's still afraid, afraid that they're going to take him away, that they're going to keep hurting him. But he thinks about how small she is, and how beautiful she is, and he slowly make his way to the surface. 

He pops part of his head out of the water, so that only his eyes are looking up at her above the water. Her wide green eyes look down on him, and she starts to chatter away like a bird. Her voice is beautiful too, he decides. The girl stays there for a long time, dangling her feet over the side of the strip of land, throwing pebbles into the water to see them ripple, and chattering away with him. He can't understand her, but he realizes he wants to. 

Late, when the stars are out, another human comes. This one brings fish with her, and dumps the fish into the pool. The fish aren't even dead yet, and he cannot control his excitement. He is happy to find that he can still hunt, even without his claws, but it takes a while. Some of the fish survive, and swim off, but he decides that it's okay. He needs to keep some of them around for tomorrow. 

The girl enjoys watching him. He doesn't understand why, but she does. She coos and encourages him, and he is stuck wondering if she is actually human, or something else. Humans are cruel, and mean, and evil, but the girl is not. She is small, and sweet, and he likes her. It is a strange thing to realize, but he does. He likes her. She spends a lot of that evening sitting there chattering at him, and he finds that he doesn't mind. In fact, when she does get up and leave, he is sad to see her go. As she walks away, he pushes himself out of the water up to his chest, the farthest he's dared to go with her there. She turns one last time, and the smile on her face is brighter than before. Has he made her happy? He hopes so. She waves her tiny hand, and disappears back into the looming human place. 

He is worried for her. He is worried that she will never come back out again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize to those that are reading my other work. This would not leave me alone. This is _potentially_ , to be continued, but my primary focus is still My Soul To Take. Honestly, I couldn't talk myself out of at least trying this out.


	2. Asseylum

He wants the girl to come back, but he doesn't wait for her. He has a new place to explore, fish to chase, plants to swim through, pretty rocks to find. The pond isn't as big as it could be, but it is a lot bigger than the tank was. He spends some time looking around, but soon after, he grows tired, and decides that sleep is a good idea. He doesn't know if it's safe, but he feels safer here than he ever did outside of the ocean before. He thinks about building a nest out of the plants. He thinks about finding that perfect place that gets a bit of sunlight, where he can see the stars at night, but where he also can't be seen. He decides that he's too tired for it right then and there. He's been sleeping without a nest since they took him out of the ocean, he can keep doing it for one night. 

Tomorrow, he decides. Tomorrow, he will find the perfect place, and pick the perfect plants and rocks. Tonight, he twirls around in the water, happy that he can, and settles into an area with plants that are long and sway. He can feel their stems flutter against his skin, and it feels so good to be touched gently and not hit, even if it is just plants. He misses normal touching. Mer touch all the time. They poke and prod and caress and comfort. They like touching, and so does he.

He falls asleep looking upward, at the long hands of the plants reach ever higher, and at the glittering of the stars as they look down at him. 

The next morning, he is woken by the sound of something splashing. He is instantly awake, and frightened, and he moves in a panic, bumping his head painfully on some rocks, trying to hide. Once he's in the farthest spot of the pond from where the sound was, he realizes just how panicked he is, and tries to slow his racing heart.

He forgot about the pond, and about how he isn't in the tank anymore. He also forgot that if any human wants to get him now, they'd have to work much harder. The pond is much too deep for humans to reach into. He repeats all of these very logical things in his head, but it takes him a long time to calm down. He curls up into a ball, holding his tail fin, trying to be as small as possible, and tries to keep his gills from their fluttering panic. 

He is finally calming down when he hears the girl. Or, he thinks it's the girl. He slowly untucks his head from nestling it into his tail fin, and looks up. He doesn't see her on the piece of land over the water, but he can hear her calling. He wonders if it's a bird, and not the girl, but as she keeps calling, his curiosity gets the better of him. He uncurls and slowly swims to the surface. He makes sure that he is at the far end of the pond, far away from where the sound is coming from, before popping the upper part of his head out of the water. He also makes sure that he make as little sound as possible. If it isn't the girl, or even if it is the girl, but she has those big men with her, he doesn't want to be seen.

But when he looks, it is only the girl. He is thankful, but he stays at the far end of the pond, keeping an eye on her just in case. He remembers her well, and that he likes her, but he also knows better than to trust humans. Thankfully, she doesn't see him, and as she calls out, he remains as still as he can so that she doesn't see him. 

The little girl keeps calling and calling, her long hair fluttering around her, as she looks for him. After a long time of not being answered, she starts walking to the land over the water. It is to high up for him to reach her there, not that he'd want to. But she is going to be higher, and over the water, it will be easy for her to see him from up there, and he isn't sure he wants to be found. He doesn't think she will hurt him, she doesn't look big enough for it, but it is always better to be cautious.

Quietly he slips back below the water, and finds a spot under the piece of land, where she won't be able to see him. It is a dark spot, the water is colder because the sun doesn't reach there, but he doesn't care. He can feel the vibrations of her little feet as she pads up onto the bit of land. She keeps calling, making the same sound over and over again. He wonders if it means to come, or if it means something else. He thinks he can remember that word, if he tries. 

She stops right at the middle of the piece of land, and keeps calling. He wonders if she is going to give up or stay. He really wants her to stay, but he isn't sure he wants to be seen either. His spot is ideal for hiding but as time stretches on, he finds it very boring to just sit there. He wishes he could still see her, so ever so slowly, he pokes his head out from under the land. She must have thought he'd been hiding there, because the second his head pokes out her eyes are on him, glittering. He is so startled that he ducks back down into the water, and swims deeper into the pond. 

He intends to stay down at the bottom, but about half way down, he stops, and looks back up. He can hear the girl calling, and he can even see her hanging her head over the little strip of land. He reminds himself that he is not afraid of the girl, that she just startled him. He reminds himself that if she leaves, he will be alone, and he doesn't want that either. 

Unsure of his decision, he turns back around, and swims cautiously back up. He pokes his head out of the water, and looks up at her. She smiles back down at him, and her eyes sparkle, just like they did before. He has made her happy.

She sits down on the piece of land above the water, and dangles her two little legs over the edge. Part of him feels that is to close, and he backs away on instinct, ducking his head so that only his eyes are above water peering up at her. She looks at him with curiosity, and the smile on her face doesn't go away. She starts to chatter at him, her lips moving so fast that he gets dizzy watching them. As he sits there and watches her, he decides that she is strange. He doesn't know what she wants, she has no reason to be there. He reminds himself that humans are strange. They had no reason to take him from the ocean, but they did. It would have made sense if they had eaten him. Instead, they just tore out his claws, and put him in a cage. 

It suddenly makes sense that the girl is also human. What she does makes no sense either. She just sits there, chattering and chattering. Is she asking for things? Does she want him to do something? She needs to do better if he is going to ever understand her. He wants to be able to ask her why she is there. He doesn't want her to leave, but sitting there making noise looks very boring to him. Even though he thinks that, he is sure he could listen to her voice all day. Still, sitting is boring.

He still has a lot of exploring to do. He'd gone to sleep early the day before, so he didn't take the time to look around. He needs to now, but the girl is there. There are many reasons why he doesn't want to just leave her. She stayed a long time looking for him -he isn't sure how he knows this, but he does know it- and now that she has found him, she keeps chattering, and making happy noises. He thinks if he stops looking at her, or paying attention, she might leave. He doesn't know why she came, but he knows she came for him. It doesn't make sense, but he has already decided that humans don't make sense. So maybe it does make sense, in some strange twisted human way. 

He also needs to make a nest, and he doesn't want her to see that. He doesn't want her, or any human, to see where his nest will be. It needs to be secret, so that it will be safe. He has also never made a nest before, he doesn't think his first try will be very good, so he doesn't want her to see for that reason. Human things are big and fancy and pretty. Even if he doesn't like humans, the nests and places they make are very nice. Like the land over the water. He doesn't know how they make things like that, but they do. The ugly little nest he is going to make is probably going to make her laugh, and he doesn't want her to laugh at him. 

These things filter through his head, and his tail flicks with anxiety. Before he knows it, his fingers are creeping upward, to his mouth. Once he realizes it, he shoves them back down into the water. His hands are useful, he needs them to catch fish, and to make nests. He tells himself that he isn't allowed to gnaw on them anymore when he is nervous. Does the girl make him nervous? The simple answer is yes. She just keeps sitting up there, swinging her dangly human legs, chattering in her beautiful bird voice. He doesn't know what she wants, doesn't know why she came. He knows enough to be suspicious, but maybe he isn't smart enough to want her to leave. He doesn't know. He should want her to leave, so he can explore the pond, and make his nest, but he doesn't want her to leave. Maybe the humans are contagious, he doesn't feel like he's making sense.

He wants to think more about this, to keep watching the girl and her strange human legs, when he hears the sound of footsteps. He knows them instantly. Another human is coming. Without thinking too much about it, he dives back under the water, and hides. The girl calls after him, but he doesn't come. He can see her from where he is, and he is sure she can see him too, but he doesn't want any other human to see him. She is still looking at him, but then her head turns to the direction where the footsteps came from. There is another voice, this one is older. The other human and the girl talk for a little bit, before the girl gets up, and walks off the land. She walks out of sight, and he carefully ventures upward to see her. He makes sure that he is still hiding, but he can see a human woman waiting for the girl. The girl reaches the other human, and is ushered away, into the gaping mouth of the human place. Before the girl is completely out of sight, she turns, and looks back for him. He doesn't know if she sees him, but she say the same thing she had been calling before, and waves her hand. Then she turns, and is gone with the other human. 

He should be happy, because now he can explore in peace, and can make his nest in a safe place that no one will find. He should be happy, but he is not.


	3. Inaho

He meets the boy that same day. 

He floats at the water's surface for a while, looking out at where the girl left. He wonders if the bigger human is taking the girl somewhere to hurt her. Humans do that. He's never seen them hurt other humans more than playful hits, but he is sure humans hurt other humans. The girl is small, she would be hurt easily. He wants her to come back. It's a silly thing, because if other humans come to take her from here, it isn't like he could stop them. Even still, not knowing what is happening outside of the pond, makes him anxious. 

After staring at the closed mouth of the human place for a long time, he shakes his head, and dives down into the water. It is a very nice day for exploring, the sun is shining, and the water is warm, so he does that. He explores. First, he swims around the whole pond. He realizes it is bigger than he thought, but not by much. There is a whole other small area he hasn't been to yet, past the land that hangs over the water. It's exciting. There are a lot of rocks, but there is a really big one in the middle of the new area. He can climb up on it, and from there, he can see almost everything in the area around the pond. 

It is amazing. The place is green and green and green, with splotches of color all around. There are land plants everywhere, some really big ones, but lots and lots of small ones too. They're just everywhere, and he realizes that this rock is going to be one of his favorite places. It's just so beautiful, sitting there and looking at everything. He thinks he could do it for days. 

He does stay there for a long time, laid out on his chest, with his arms cradling his head, and his tail hanging over the edge of the rock into the water. The sun feels so nice and warm on his back, and the place outside the pond is just so alive with color. When he starts to dry out, he splashes himself with his tail, and can reach down with his hands to cup water and splash himself with it. It really does feel like he could stay there forever. Looking at all the pretty colors, the greens and splashes of yellows and reds and blues and purples, he feels like the world really is a wonderful place, even if he's surrounded by humans. 

He does eventually leave, but only to explore the little waterfall that is on this side of the pond. It has two layers. The first layer, he can climb up on top of, but it's hard. He'll have to practice to get better. His arms aren't that strong right now. He does manage it and it is also a nice place to just take in the sun. From here, there is a very pretty blue plant nearby, that he can reach over and touch. But it looks fragile, like he will break it if he touches it, so he doesn't. He gets as close as he can though, and finds out what the plant smells like. It is amazing, and he spends a long time just looking at it, fascinated. What pretty things land has! 

He is content to stay there, with the sun on his skin, and the breeze tickling him, and the sound of the large plants swaying ever so slightly, and the smell of the pretty blue earth plant. That is all shattered when he hears the sound of human feet. There are many of them, loud and pounding. He can't tell how many humans are coming, but he is instantly frightened. 

Diving into the water as fast as he can, he swims to the other part of the pond. When he feels he is in a good hiding place, he peeks out at the gaping mouth of the human place. The mouth is open, and there are a group of small humans. Maybe eight of them. He instantly realizes that they are a pack. They are all male, and all male packs are always dangerous. He thinks he is far enough away, so that they can't reach him, and that they won't see him, but he wants them to go away. Even though they're small, they're in a group, he doesn't want to have to deal with them. It could be dangerous.

He realizes that one of the humans is not part of the pack. He is the runt they are attacking. He is smaller than the others, has a big black splotch on one of his eyes, and one of his arms isn't moving right. It looks broken. The other humans are dragging him. He thinks that the runt looks surprisingly calm. The only sign that he is distressed is that he is blinking a lot. His brown eyes locked on the water in front of him, look like that of a fish that knows it's going to be eaten. He thinks that the runt's arm must hurt, that it also hurts to be dragged, but there is no sign of that on the boy's face. It is blank. 

The pack gets closer to the water. It becomes very obvious to him, that they are going to toss the boy with the dead fish eyes into his pond. He doesn't want that. This isn't some place to just leave things! It is beautiful, and they are making it less beautiful. This is his place now, and they are not allowed. The sudden sprout of territorialism in him overpowers the urge to stay hidden. He has to scare them off. But he is still small, and without claws. The only thing that he has that is scary, are the two gleaming rows of teeth in his mouth, but it should do. Human teeth are silly looking, and his are sharp and scary.

Sure of how he needs to do it, he slowly ducks down into the water, and quietly swims over to where the pack are getting closer to the water. They aren't looking for him, their eyes are on the runt, so they don't notice. He keeps a close eye on them, waiting until they are far too close, and then quickly swimming up to the surface as fast as he can. When he breaks through the water's surface, it is with a great roar, and some offensive hisses. He makes sure that his gleaming teeth snap at a few of the small humans, and that his hands reach out for one, but barely miss. 

The reaction is instantaneous. The little pack screams like he's never heard humans scream before, and they run. They fall over themselves running back into the mouth of the human place. He is exceptionally pleased with himself. He has protected his pond, and scared the dumb pack of small humans. It has been an exciting and fun day already. 

He can't help but beam at the huge accomplishment. Even if they were small humans, he scared away a lot of them! That's exciting for someone his size! It is only after he twirls around in excitement and joy a few times, that he realizes the boy with fish eyes is still there. The boy is sitting on the ground, where the pack likely dropped him, but now those eyes are squarely on him. It doesn't look like he was able to scare this human boy, but he tells himself it doesn't matter. This boy is the runt, and just one little human is probably not a big deal. He puts distance between them, just because the boy is a human, but he doesn't hide. He just proved how strong and scary he was, he doesn't need to hide. 

The boy keeps looking at him. The boy's face doesn't change, and his eyes don't change, and he doesn't talk, and the boy doesn't get up. He realizes he doesn't like how the boy is looking at him, and scowls. He thinks he could scare the boy off, like the others, but the surprise is gone. Now that the boy has a good view of him, it is obvious that their size is not so different. That doesn't mean that he couldn't hurt the boy, but he doesn't want to. He just wants the boy to leave, like the others. He doesn't like humans, even small ones. The girl is the only exception. Even still, he doesn't know what to think of the girl. The boy is easy, he doesn't like him. 

After a long time of staring, the boy finally gets up, but he doesn't move his eyes. They are still on him, and he thinks about ducking away into the water so that the boy will stop looking with his big brown fish eyes. He doesn't, cause that would be running away, and the boy is too small to be afraid of. He even thinks about hissing at the boy, but doesn't. He just keeps glaring. 

As the boy stands up on his little human legs, it is very obvious that his arm is hurt. It flops around, and hangs. He watches it move, because he has never seen a human arm move that way before. It is strange. He wonders if humans have small bones, if they break easily. He doesn't know. 

The boy is going to leave now, and he will go back to looking at the pretty land plants, and exploring his pond. His territory. He defended it, it's his now. The thought sends a trill of excitement through him. He's never really had his own territory before. He should just chase the boy away, since this is his place now, but he doesn't. He just watches as the boy finally turns his fish eyes away. 

He can tell that the boy is looking at all the pretty land plants. They are pretty, and they are his now. Well, maybe not really. He can't even reach them from the pond, but still. He doesn't know if he'd be able to defend the plants, but he thinks he'd try. They're beautiful, and he likes them. 

The boy's eyes stop on something. He looks to see what it is, and it is a very beautiful plant. It's leaves are a bright green, but there are orange bursts of color at the tips. The orange is very bright, and very pretty. As if the boy has already decided something, he walks over to the plant, and pulls off a bunch of the bright orange heads. 

His mouth opens in shock and an angry hiss escapes his mouth. How dare the boy! How dare he just break off something that belongs to HIM. He is about to go barreling out of the water as fast as he can, when the boy turns, and walks towards the water. He has a mind to pull the boy in when he gets close enough to the water. It only seems right to teach the little thing a lesson. His place, his things, dumb small human runt! 

He is hissing and snarling in anger, but the boy doesn't seem to care. He just keeps walking evenly towards the water, then stops. The boy bends his little human legs, so that he is closer to the water, and extends his hand. 

It is not what he expected, but he understands it instantly. This is a gift. The little human boy is thankful, because he scared off the pack. He is suddenly surprised. He did not expect this at all. Humans are mean, nasty creatures, that never do anything nice. But here is a little human boy, who is saying thank you. He didn't even do it to help the boy. His only intention was to scare off the pack. He wonders if the human boy realizes that. 

He is suddenly embarrassed. Maybe he shouldn't have been so mean. Maybe he shouldn't think the boy doesn't belong here. He thinks about just sinking back down into the water, but after looking up at the boy's eyes, he reaches up, and takes the flowers. The boy's hand is warm, and the orange plant smells very nice. 

The boy's face doesn't change when he takes the orange plant for his hand. It's the same blank eyes that look down on him. The boy is weird, but he realizes he doesn't mind. He holds the plant in both his hands. It looks fragile, he doesn't want it to break, so he cups it in his hands. For the first time, he is happy he doesn't have claws, because he wouldn't be able to hold it this gently if he did. Claws are good for ripping, but they're no good for delicate things.

He looks up curiously at the boy. The boy blinks down at him for a few moments, before he turns, and walks away. He leaves through the mouth of the human place, like all the other humans do. He watches the boy, and wonders if he will be back. If the pack find him again, they might hurt, or kill him. He doesn't want that now. He looks down at the pretty orange flowers in his hands. The boy is a little brown thing, with brown hair, and brown eyes, but he will call the boy Orange. Orange, so that he will always remember the pretty little flowers. 

He is happy for the flowers, they smell so nice, and they are so pretty, but Orange should come back. Humans aren't safe at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, all I wanted to write was cute. The flowers received in this chapter are orange honeysuckle. Wikipedia says they mean Generous in Japanese flower meanings. The internet also says they mean Devoted Love. Inaho picked them because they were orange.


	4. Touch

The girl returns often. In fact, she comes at least once a day, sometimes twice. She always comes early in the day, at almost the same time every day. He has learned to wait for her, because sometimes she is a little late, but she always comes. He knows to get up earlier, and eat his fish, and then to go sit on the big rock, as the sun washes over him, and wait. She always comes. 

He likes her. She chatters at him, and he watches her as she swings her little human legs off the bridge. He makes chattering noises back at her some times, but it's all nonsense. He tried talking to her once, but she just giggled at him. She doesn't understand. When the water plant blooms into pretty whites and pinks, he tries to give her one, but she is too far away. His arm can't reach up to the piece of land, and she doesn't go to the places where he can reach. He wonders about that a lot. He even tried to coax her off of the high land above the water by waiting for her by the area where he could reach her, but she doesn't come. She just shakes her head and keeps chattering. 

He wonders if she's afraid of him, if she thinks he will hurt her. He wouldn't, she's too pretty. Maybe it's a strange human thing. He wants to give her the pretty water plants, and he wants to touch her long golden hair, and he wants to know what her pretty skin will feel like. He wants her to come to the edge of the water, where he can reach her, but she does not. It makes him sad. He hates this no touching thing that humans do. It isn't fair to just take him away from the ocean, where his kin could poke and prod, and caress, just to put him here. 

When he gets very sad, he thinks about hiding from the girl, but he never does. He wants the attention, needs it. Even if it's only from a human girl he can't reach, that sits with her feet dangling down at him, he needs the attention. His kin don't live alone, they aren't like sharks, they need and rely on others. He likes the girl most, but he can't reach her, and that is painful. She is always to far away, and she never accepts the things he tries to give her. If it was any other situation, he'd be mad at her, but he can't afford it. She comes every day, and he needs that. He's so afraid that she'll stop. He doesn't dare do anything about it.

Orange does not come often. There are discernable patterns, but they keep changing. He learns not to expect Orange, because if he waits and expects, Orange often does not come. If Orange came at regular times, he would catch fish for him before he came. This is because Orange is a runt and because he wants to spend every moment he can with Orange, but Orange doesn't come at regular times. One night here, afternoon a few weeks later, morning three days later, late in the evening a month later. He learns not to wait, because waiting hurts. He would rather be happy about a surprise, than upset about waiting, so he learns not to wait.

Orange always brings him things. Usually strange food, but other things too: sharp stones, flowers that are not in his area, glistening stones, lots of things. He would be happier if Orange came more, but he is still happy with the things. When Orange leaves, he hides them away in the folds of his nest, where he looks at them when he feels lonely. 

But certainly the most important part of Oranges visits, is touching. Orange doesn't sit on the land above the water. He sits right at the water's edge, where he can be reached. This is because Orange gives him things, and needs to be reached, but he doesn't care why. He gets to touch Orange, another living thing that isn't going to fly away like the birds, and that he isn't going to eat like the fish. It's important. It's so important. It isn't enough, it might never be enough, but it is still so very important.

Orange does not talk much. He does speak every now and then, but it is very little. Orange does teach him human words though. Orange teaches him that the land plants he likes are called flowers. He even learns how to say the human word. Every time he does, Orange goes over and plucks a flower for him. It's the first human word he's learned since being called a 'pet' and being taken out of the 'tank', and the first nice human word he's learned. 

It is one beautiful afternoon, that he learns why Orange does not come more regularly. 

Orange is sitting close to the water's edge, with his legs crossed in a way that looks uncomfortable, when he goes down into the water. He found a very beautiful rock the other day, and saved it. He would have given it to the girl, but she never accepts his gifts. Orange does, so he gets them. He retrieves the rock from his nest, but when he gets back up to the surface, things are wrong. Orange is getting to his feet, and a large male human is coming towards him. The large human is barking, making angry noises at Orange, and he has something long and sharp in his hand. The adult isn't pointing it at Orange, but he knows what it's used for. It hits him very suddenly, that Orange is not suppose to be here. This large human is going to take Orange away, might hurt or kill him. It makes sense. That's why Orange doesn't come regularly, he isn't suppose to get caught. 

The larger human is getting closer. Orange looks unconcerned, and unwavering, but he always looks that way. His brown fish eyes never show much. Orange should be scared, but if he is, Orange doesn't show it. 

He does the only thing he can think of. In one powerful motion, he vaults himself halfway out of the water, grabs Orange's hand, and pulls. For the half a second that the two of them are falling in the air, Orange's eyes widen, and panic blossoms on his face. Then the moment is over, and they are both in the water. He can protect Orange if he's in the water, he's sure of it. What he does not expect, is Orange's ungraceful flailing, and the panic that takes over his normally calm look. He wonders what's wrong for a second, before Orange grabs onto him, and holds, gasping for air. Orange holds to tight, it's uncomfortable, but he doesn't care. He quickly backs away from the shore, and from the large human, making sure to keep Orange's head above water. 

The large human is not happy, he is yelling and almost looks scared. He doesn't understand these humans at all, but the water is his, the large human should just go away. He hisses and shows off his gleaming rows of teeth. The human is much bigger than he is, but he thinks in the water, that he'd win. As long as he stays far from the land, the large human can't reach him. If the large human does come in, he'll have to find a safe place to put Orange, but he'll be much faster. He is sure he can drag the large human down. All he'd have to do is keep him down until he stopped struggling. It might be hard, but if he has to, he can do it. He hisses in warning, reassured at the feeling of Orange's arms firmly wrapped around him.

He hisses at the large human in warning, and the large human just keeps yelling. The large human pulls down the pointy instrument that he knows humans use as claws, and points it at him. He backs up farther, and hisses louder, showing off his teeth. From behind the one human, he can start to see more coming. At first, it's just one, then another, then another. They're all gathered around the water's edge, and their faces are strangely afraid. He's the one that's really afraid, there are lots of them, and they're all there, hovering around his water. He keeps hissing and screeching at them, wanting them to go away. If Orange wasn't clinging to his back, he'd already be at the bottom of the pond hiding, but he is, so he can't. 

Then Orange is talking, loud and clear, as if he wasn't gasping for air a moment before. Surprisingly, all the humans listen. They all stop their scowling, and their noise making, and they listen to Orange's calm voice. It's good, because when Orange stops talking, the big humans look at each other, and slowly start backing away. He watches in amazement as they all move away from the water, away from his water. He spares just a moment to look over his shoulder at Orange, who is also watching the other humans, then he shifts his eyes back to the retreating humans. 

Orange's grip tightens with one hand. Orange lets go with the other, and points at the land. Orange wants to go back. He understands what Orange wants, but he doesn't comply. The large humans have backed away, but they aren't leaving, and there are many of them now. Orange seems to trust them, but he doesn't. Humans are bad, especially big humans. Especially big humans in groups. Orange is also holding on to him for dear life, it's the most contact he's had with anything since he was taken from the ocean. He doesn't want to just let these big humans take that away like they take everything else. But Orange keeps pointing, and he's nudging at his shoulder. Slowly, he swims over to the waters edge, and as Orange reaches for the land, he helps to push him up. He isn't sure this is a good idea. He's going to stay close, in case the large humans do anything, so that he can pull Orange back, but it doesn't matter. Orange gets to his feet and walks to the larger humans.

All he can do is watch, as they all chatter with one another. The large humans even look like they're happy. He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand at all. They start to push Orange away, and there is nothing he can do. Humans are strange, and he is worried about the whole situation. Are they going to hurt Orange? Are they not? What is going on? Did they think he was going to hurt Orange? It's all so strange. Some of the large humans are disappearing behind the mouth of the human place, but Orange stops, and doubles back. Orange goes straight towards the flowers, the ones that he's named after, and picks some. His steps are as sure as always, as he makes his way back to the water's edge. The larger humans look alarmed, and they start to turn back, and he hisses in warning. Orange doesn't seem to care. Orange reaches down, and offers the flowers. He takes them. 

For him, they've come to mean 'thank you'. He is sure that's what Orange means. Even if the other humans don't understand, Orange does. That thought worries him, as he anxiously watches the other humans lead Orange away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slaine needs to figure out what his name is.... I wrote Orange like a million times in this chapter, but trust you me, it is way better than playing the 'which of the many 'he's is this he' game, which you already had to play in this chapter.


	5. Mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I just wanted to write this.

Orange returns later that same day. 

Until then, he doesn't know what to do. He keeps anxiously swimming back and forth, until he hears something and dashes up to the water's surface. It's always nothing, or one of the big humans, opening the great mouth of the human place, and glaring in at him. It isn't fun, waiting and worrying. He wonders if Orange is ever going to come back, if he'll just keep waiting forever. It's painful. He catches fish, and eats, then swims some more, and dashes back to the surface when he hears sounds. He does that almost all day. By the time Orange does come, he is very tired. 

But the sight of Orange walking out towards him is enough to make him more alert. He bounds over to the water's edge. Orange sits down, in the way that looks uncomfortable, and places down two flowers. He doesn't care. He props himself up on the land with one arm, and reaches out with the other. He reaches over for Orange's arms first, shaking one, and then the other, to make sure that they move like they're suppose to. They do. He combs over Orange's chest and head and neck with his hands and his eyes. Once he's done, he sinks back onto the water in relief. Orange doesn't look hurt, didn't make any strange noises at his poking either. Orange is fine, and he can feel his anxiety sink right out of him. 

He is suddenly very tired. Waiting and worrying is hard. He lays his arms on the land, and lets his head lay on top of them. His eyes close for a few seconds, before he blinks them open again. Orange has picked up the flowers he put down, and is holding them out towards him. There are two, the same pretty orange ones that mean 'thank you', and a set of blue ones that look like shells. Gently, he takes the blue one out of Orange's hand, and pushes the little orange ones back towards Orange. Orange already said thank you before, and he wants to say thank you for coming back, so Orange should keep them. The blue ones, he's never seen before. If they are in his garden, then they are out of his sight. Is it just another gift, or does it mean something like the orange ones do? He doesn't know, but they are pretty, and they smell nice. He twirls them around in his fingers, and watches as their little blue shells sway. They're very, very pretty, and watching the colors makes him sleepy. His eyes start to droop, when Orange reaches over and gently shakes his shoulder. He blinks back into awareness shaking his head, and looks up at Orange.

Orange is offering him something else. It's another plant, but this one doesn't have any flowers. It is a small green thing, with little green parts that get bigger at the bottom, and smaller at the top. Orange has never given him a plant without flowers before. It's pretty too, but normal looking. He doesn't understand. He places down the blue flowers, and takes the plant from Orange. He spins it around, watching as the green parts flutter, then looks up at Orange. He doesn't know what is going on. Is this another gift? It isn't very pretty. 

As always, Orange seems to understand. He opens his mouth, and points inside. Ah, it's food. This plant is food. He scrunches up his face. He doesn't like eating plants, unless they're the strange colored ones Orange sometimes brings. He thinks about handing it back, because he doesn't like eating plants, but he doesn't. He carefully picks off one of the small green parts, and pops it into his mouth. 

It tastes horrible. He instantly spits it back out, and gives Orange a disgusted look. He shoves the plant back at him, but Orange only pushes back, opens his mouth again, and points inside. It tastes bad, but Orange still wants him to eat it. Why? Usually when Orange brings food that he doesn't like, all he has to do is try it, then give it back, and Orange doesn't bring it again. This time is different. Orange still wants him to eat the plant. Why? He doesn't want to eat it. He doesn't eat plants, and this one tastes bad. Why? 

He is reminded that Orange is human. That humans are not nice. That he doesn't trust humans. He knows he is making the wrong decision, but he eats the plant. Every gross part of it. Orange hasn't been like other humans. He wants to believe that Orange isn't like other humans. He wants to be wrong. 

Orange stays with him after he eats the plant. He is handed the blue flower again, and he twirls it around. He is sure it means something now, but what? What is Orange trying to say with the blue flower? He doesn't know, he wants to know. He is tired, very, very tired. He should go back to his nest, and sleep, but Orange is still there. He doesn't want to leave, he doesn't want to fall asleep either. He has plenty of time to sleep when no one is there, when he's lonely. He doesn't want to sleep now. 

In some attempt to stay awake, he reaches over and pokes at Orange's leg. He'd rather poke Orange's face, but it's to high up, and the effort to reach that far feels impossible at that moment. His eye lids feel so heavy, they close, and he tries to blink them back open, without much success. His grip on the land isn't going to last, and he feels himself sinking back down into the water. The last thing he remembers, is Orange grabbing onto him, and thinking 'Mistake, Mistake.'

\/

When he wakes, he knows that something is wrong. He can't move right, and that should scare him, but the fear feels far away. In fact, he feels far away, like he isn't himself. If a predator came along right then, he'd be an easy meal. He's dazed, and he can't move right. Even when he blinks, it's slow. He doesn't understand.

He's in his pond. Alone in his little pond, like he always is, looking up at the clear blue sky above him. It is morning. When did he fall asleep? Why isn't he in his nest? There are so many things wrong, and he is afraid, but he can only twitch here and there. Things aren't moving right. His head hurts. His head hurts a lot, but it feels far away. He floats there for a long time, being able to move a little bit more every few seconds, till he can flex his fingers and move his tail. The pain in his head gets worse. It feels like someone stretched his face out, just pulled and pulled and pulled, but if someone did something to him, why is he still here? It doesn't make any sense. 

He reaches up with his hand, and feels at his face. His eyes widen, and he is instantly aware of what is wrong. In shock, his other hand goes to his face. It's his teeth, they're gone. He reaches into his mouth, and all he can feel are holes where they used to be. Both rows are gone. The fear hits him in full force. The humans took his teeth. 

They'll grow back fast, he won't be without teeth for long, but that isn't the important part. The humans took them. They- Orange! Orange put him to sleep with that plant! That was why! They didn't want him to fight, so they put him to sleep. Then the humans dragged him out of his pond, where he thought he was safe, and they pulled out every one of his teeth. Both rows, his mouth is completely empty. They did this to him, in a place that he thought was safe, and Orange helped them! 

He can't describe the emotions that overtake him. It is so many things at once.

He makes other nests, ten in all. Some of them are well hidden, others are not. It's so that he never sleeps in the same place twice in a row. What few water plants remain, he pulls out, and carefully uses them to cover the waters top, so that humans can't see down into his water. He digs into the side of the pond, to make little caves, where he can hide so that no one or nothing will be able to see him. 

He gets rid of all the things Orange gave him. He comes up to the surface, and throws them as far away from his water as he can. 

There, glistening in the morning sunlight, are the little blue flowers Orange gave him. They're such beautiful, pretty little flowers. He rams his fist into them over and over, till all he can see is the mud sloshing around them. 

He wants to scream, but he's afraid the humans will hear, and the humans will come. Instead, he sinks down to the bottom of the pond, in one of his new hidden nests. Once there, he curls up into a ball, gums at his clawless fingers with his toothless mouth, and sobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The blue flowers are Bluebells. They mean Gratitude and Grateful. They will not mean that in this fic.


	6. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why did I ever think two stories at the same time was a good idea...I have no clue. This chapter is dedicated to snowcrow. Thank you for the absolutely adorable merman Slaine drawings. I couldn't think of any other way of appropriately thanking you.

He doesn't sleep that night. 

He remembers while he was in the tank, that the humans usually left him alone at night. What little sleep he was able to get, always happened then. That doesn't help him. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees big humans holding him down, their hands in his mouth. They stretch him with their strong thick finger, so that they can get at his gleaming rows of teeth. He imagines them dragging him out of the water. Of the little girl and Orange watching as they drag him away, screaming and clawing at the ground, trying to get back to his water. 

Sleep is impossible. It doesn't matter that the pond is to deep for them to reach. They'll find a way. They'll always find a way. He doesn't know what else they can take from him. They have his claws, his teeth, what else? Are they going to chop off his arms? He has kin that lost arms to sharks, and lived, but only the strong ones. He's not strong enough for that, he'll die. Why didn't the humans just kill him? This is much worse, this waiting and worrying. He can't calm down. Horrible, horrible humans. All of them. Horrible, cruel, evil humans. 

He wants to go home. He wants to be back in the ocean. Even alone in the ocean is better. At least in the ocean, someone could find him. Here, he's always alone, he will always be alone. No one is ever going to help him, and he'll never get back to the ocean. He'll be surrounded by horrible humans for the rest of his life, and he is young. He is suppose to live a long time, and he will live his whole life, in this little pond, surrounded by evil, cruel humans. Maybe they'll eat him when he's bigger, maybe he's still too young. He doesn't know. He doesn't know anything. He doesn't want to be eaten, but he wants this less. This horrible feeling that he will never be safe, that he will never be happy, because there will always be a human there to take his happiness away. 

Sleep is impossible. He sings softly to himself in between sobbing all night. 

The girl comes the next morning. She calls and calls and calls, but he doesn't come. He hides in his nest, curled up in a ball. He wants to go up and see her, he wants anything to make him feel better. He's so afraid of being alone for the rest of his life, but he's afraid of humans more. He doesn't come up to see her. She keeps calling and calling, and when that doesn't bring him up, she starts to throw flowers onto the water. All kinds too. The light of the sun shines through them in all sorts of different colors. It's beautiful, but he doesn't dare come out of his hiding place.

She finally leaves, and he wants to beg her to stay, and have her gone at the same time. Evil humans, he reminds himself, amidst his sobs. When she is gone, he slowly swims through the sunlight shining through the colors of the flowers. It's beautiful, and it should make him happy, but it doesn't. He feels like he's dying. 

Orange comes in the afternoon. He wants to drag Orange down and watch water fill him up, but he doesn't dare. He needs his arms. It's the only thing they can take from him now, and he needs them. 

Orange calls a few times, but he doesn't come. Worse, Orange brings food. The sweet smelling, strange colored plants that he liked. He can smell them all the way at the bottom of the pond. He isn't hungry, but he wants it. He remembers how it tasted, but he remembers the pain in his face more. He doesn't dare come up. Orange doesn't stay long, but he leaves the sweet plants behind. Even after Orange is gone, he can smell them. He ignores it, and moves to a different nest for the day. Never in one place twice, he reminds himself, then he wants to cry. It's useless, he reminds himself. He can try all he wants, but if they want him, they'll find him. It's all useless, but he moves to the new nest. He has to try, he tells himself. He has to try.

The girl comes again in the evening, and calls and calls and calls again. Every call is nerve wracking. When will the girl decide that it's enough? When will she tell the big humans to come get him? He doesn't know how they will, but he knows they will. Go away, he thinks. Leave me alone, he thinks. 

Why does she come at all? All she does is chatter at him. What does she want from him? Why won't she go away? Why doesn't she stay? Is she afraid of him? He's afraid of her. He thinks for a few seconds that maybe they're the same, that she's afraid he'll drag her into the water, and he's afraid she'll drag him onto the land. Then he reminds himself that she comes for him. She calls for him to come, and she is the one out of his reach. She can reach him at any time. He doesn't know how, but he knows she can. All the humans can. This is their place, even the water, which he thought was his, isn't. 

He gnaws on his fingers harder every time she calls. It's going to happen, he knows it. She's going to get tired of waiting, of calling. Humans are demanding, social creatures. She wants him to come out, and he will have to at some point. But not yet, he tells himself. Don't make me, he pleads, not yet. She keeps calling, and he starts to sob. 

She stops calling. Can she hear him? He doesn't care. Let her know that he is upset, that he is scared. He's not some scary predator anymore. Maybe he would have been, one day, if he'd stayed in the ocean. Now, he isn't. He probably never will be. The humans are playing with him, and he doesn't like it. So let them know that he doesn't like it. He is one small little thing and they are many. They can do anything they want to him, and there is nothing he can do about it. Let them know, he thinks. What does it matter anyway.

The girl leaves, and he changes nests. 

He sleeps that night, but it isn't good sleep. He wakes up many times, terrified. Sometimes, he even wakes up screaming, and then he has to change nests again, cause they'll find him. Eventually, he gives up trying to sleep, and just swims around the pond in a large loop, over and over again. He hopes he can exhaust himself enough to sleep without dreams, but it doesn't work. When morning comes, he is still very tired.

The girl comes again, as she does every morning. This time, she only calls to him a few times. Worse than her calling, she brings food. It's some of the food Orange used to bring, and he knows it's good. He can smell it. He has to remind himself, that he can't eat it. That he doesn't need to eat it. In the ocean, he could go a long time without food, and it wasn't a problem. Here, he's gotten used to eating a little bit each day. Catching fish is something to do, and he has so few things to do. Sometimes, he'd even catch fish just to do something, then let them go. He doesn't need to eat, but he wants to. It smells so good. He tries to convince himself that she didn't betray him. But then he remembers that it was Orange that first fed him the food she brings. She's been learning from Orange. They're together, and they're both human. Both evil, cruel humans. He thinks of them together, of her chattering away to Orange, and Orange listening to her and making human noises back. He doesn't dare come up. He is both upset and relieved when she leaves. He wishes she'd taken the food with her, but she leaves it, just like Orange did the day before.

He still refuses to come up. He doesn't need the food. What he really needs, is sleep. He knows that. He also knows that he shouldn't want to sleep during the day, but why does it matter anymore? In the ocean, it mattered, here, it doesn't. He swims in great loops all around the pond, over and over again, going as fast as he can, swimming as hard as he can, to try and exhaust himself enough to sleep without dreams. 

Orange comes in the afternoon, and he hides in a different nest. Orange brings food again, but this time, he doesn't leave. A long, long time passes, and Orange does not leave. Something is wrong. Orange was suppose to go away. Orange was suppose to leave the food like last time, and go, but he doesn't. It's different, they're tired of waiting. The humans are tired of waiting for him. He gnaws at his fingers, as he stays curled up in his nest. He waits, and waits, and waits, but Orange doesn't leave. Orange just stays there, sitting in that uncomfortable way, at the water's edge, dipping his fingers into the water. He knows what that means. Orange wants him to come up, and he's going to wait till he does. 

He thinks about not going up. About making Orange wait forever. Of holding out longer than Orange can, but he knows it's useless. Orange can come and go, he can get up and walk away, but he can always come back. He can't. This is his only place now. He can hide, but they know he's here. They will always know he's here, somewhere, in this little pond. He doesn't have a choice, he never did. 

The sun is going down, and the sky is part blue, and part orange, when he finally comes up. He stays far away, and only comes out of the water up to his eyes, but Orange sees him. They just look at each other for a moment. He wonders if Orange can see the hate in his eyes. He can't tell if Orange is feeling anything, his brown eyes just look back at him like a dead fish. He thinks about how he could hurt Orange if he had claws, or if he had teeth. Now, he can only let the water hurt him. He knows it's useless. If he hurts Orange, the other humans will be mad. The other humans will hurt him again, but he pushes that thought away. All he can see is Orange sitting there, unafraid of him. 

Orange moves his hand, and he almost ducks back down into the water, but he doesn't. Orange reaches down, and gets the same set of blue flowers that Orange gave him before. They're still pretty little blue shells, dangling from the green part of the plant. Slowly, Orange extends out his hand so far, that he's leaning over the water. It would be very easy for him to pull Orange under. It's deep there, it would be easy to pull, and keep Orange down. 

Slowly, he gets closer. He isn't sure what he's going to do, until he's close enough, and he tentatively reaches out for Orange's hand. 

In one violent tug, Orange is sent toppling into the water. He gives the struggling human child a wide birth, but drags it farther into the water as Orange struggles, gasping for air. It occurs to him that he has never seen a human struggle so much in the water before. He isn't even holding Orange down, and he's panicking. Stupid human, he thinks. Stupid, stupid human. He watches from a safe distance away. Orange is going to kill himself in the water, and he doesn't even need to do anything. 

Everything changes in one split second. One split second where their eyes lock. Orange gasps for air, and reaches for him. Orange can't swim. Orange knew that he could kill him, knew that it would be easy. Orange trusted him not to. Trust. The blue flowers mean trust. 

He swoops in, and Orange gropes for him, clinging. Orange is gasping, and wheezing. He can feel Orange's small human fingers hold him tight, and he slowly takes both of them back to the water's edge. Orange's grip on him tightens, then loosens as he reaches the land, and pulls himself out of the water. He helps Orange up. 

He understands. He trusted Orange, and he got hurt, but he isn't dead. Orange didn't kill him. Orange trusted him, and he hurt Orange, but Orange isn't dead. He didn't kill Orange either. 

Orange collapses on the land, breathing deeply, his chest going up and down very fast. He doesn't know if this is the right decision. It's probably another mistake, but he wants to be wrong. He doesn't want to be alone. He doesn't want to be hurt, but trusting means giving Orange the chance to hurt him again. He doesn't know if he's made the right choice, but he doesn't want to be alone. He looks up, and Orange is holding out another set of blue shell flowers. Orange's chest is still heaving, his eyes no longer the eyes of a dead fish. Orange is tired too, he can see it now. He tells himself it's a mistake, that humans are cruel, horrible, evil things. He takes the flower anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I will sleep.


	7. Night

Orange stays a long time that night. He doesn't know what to make of it. Humans don't usually stay long at night. He knows that they sleep at night. So when Orange doesn't leave, he doesn't know what to do. He is tired, very tired, but he also does not want to leave Orange. He doesn't know why, but he knows that Orange is staying for him. Instead of swimming down to one of his nests, he stays up at the water's edge, his hands on the land, and his head on top of them. Orange doesn't make a lot of sound, he never has, but what sounds he does make, are nice. They're calm, not like the girls excited chattering. It makes him sleepy, but he is already sleepy. 

Even half asleep and in the dark he can tell when something starts to be wrong. First, Orange's skin starts to show lots of little bumps. He notices it, and pokes at them gently, but they don't go away. Orange says something that he doesn't understand, but lets him keep poking. He finds it weird that Orange's skin is so cold. It isn't usually. Humans are always very, very warm, but Orange is not warm now. He eventually gives up poking the bumps, but then the shaking starts. He doesn't know what to make of it. Is this some strange human thing? It's concerning to watch, and Orange folds in around himself. Legs go up, and hands rub on arms. He doesn't understand what is happening, but it looks like Orange is in pain. At the sight, he is much more awake, and very worried. 

Is Orange cold? He was cold to the touch before, maybe that is what's wrong. The water is still warm, but he remembers that Orange cannot swim, and with that shaking, he doesn't know if Orange can hold onto him well. He is trying to decide what he should do, but it is hard. He has never seen a human shake like this before. Is it really because Orange is cold, or is it because of something else? The water is warm, so Orange should get in the water, but he cannot swim, so that isn't a good idea. Humans are so complicated, he thinks.

Watching Orange only makes him more worried. He decides he is going to do something very foolish, but also decides that it's better than doing nothing. In one quick movement, he pushes with his arms, and hoists himself out of the water, and onto the land. The difference in temperature is large, and cold prickles his skin, but he can adjust quickly. Maybe humans don't adjust to cold as quickly. He still doesn't understand, but he thinks whatever is wrong, it might be because of the cold. 

Orange blinks at him for a few moments. Orange has never seen him come out of the water entirely. He doesn't like doing it, and he hasn't had a reason to before. He doesn't let Orange stare for too long, before he pushes himself closer with his hands, then reaches over and feels Orange's cold skin. His skin is already adjusted to the cold, so he grabs onto Orange and pulls him closer, so that their skin is touching. 

Orange makes some noise of protest at first, but once they are skin to skin, Orange makes an effort to get closer. He notices that the bumps go away the warmer Orange's skin gets, and he stops shaking. He is happy, and relieved. He was afraid Orange was sick, or that it was something else. It seems like a very strange reaction to cold though. Humans must hate cold. He makes sure to remember that, and lets Orange get as close as he wants. From here he can see the reflection of the stars on the water, how they glisten, and how the water moves. It's beautiful. He can also smell the flowers more strongly. 

He rests his head on top of Orange's and lets his eyes drift closed. This is nice. Maybe land isn't as horrible as he thinks. As long as he has the water when he needs it, and as long as any scary humans don't come, maybe it isn't so bad. 

He must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he knows, Orange is prodding. His eyes open slowly, like they are very heavy, and he finds that he is leaning on Orange. He feels faint, and unwell. Orange is propping him up, holding all of his weight. If Orange moved, he wouldn't be able to stay upright. Everything is foggy. He's stayed out of the water to long, his mind tells him, but it doesn't bring the panic it should. His head feels like it is full of water, just sloshing around. He can't think straight. 

Orange moves, and he tumbles over onto the ground with a moan. Moving is hard, he can feel his tail twitching, but it feels so far away. He's never been out of the water this long, it's a bad feeling. He should be panicking, but he can't find the strength for it, and his mind can't focus. 

He feels Orange's little hands prodding and pushing and picking him up, but Orange is a runt, he has a hard time of it. He isn't much help, all he can do is force soft sounds out of mouth. Anything else feels impossible. 

Orange could leave him there, and he'd die. What a stupid thing he is, he thinks. No wonder the humans play with him, he's so stupid, that it must be very easy.

Orange does not leave him to die. Instead, he is pushed and pulled, until Orange finally gets him to the water, and rolls him into it. The change is fast. One moment, thinking was a struggle, the next his mind is moving too fast. One moment, he could only twitch, the next, he's swimming like he normally would. The change is sudden and strange, but he feels well again. The clouds in his head are gone, and it doesn't feel like water is sloshing around in his head anymore. He feels better, much, much better, and stupid. What kind of a stupid thing is he? Falling asleep on land. Stupid! He's lucky to be alive at all. 

He looks up, and Orange is looking down at him from the land. His eye are as brown as ever, but he is watching intently. The thought of even poking his head out of the water is not a nice one, but he does it anyway. He swims back to the water's edge, but makes sure that only his head is above water. It is still dark out, but he can see Orange staring at him. 

Orange slowly reaches out, and pokes at his face. He makes a sound of protest, because it still hurts, his mouth with only holes instead of teeth. He hasn't forgotten. Slowly, Orange touches his lip. He isn't being held, Orange is making sure that he can leave at any time, and he thinks about that. He thinks of swimming away, and sleeping in one of his nests, but he doesn't. 

He knows what Orange wants. Orange wants to see. He doesn't really want that, for Orange to see. It isn't some battle scar he can be proud of. It isn't even an interesting story to tell, because it hurts, and he can't talk to Orange anyway. It hurts in more ways than one, and Orange helped. He doesn't feel like he should let Orange see, but Orange is asking. He isn't being held down, he can leave at any time. 

He remembers what he felt when Orange was drowning. How it had felt right to watch him struggle, and die. He's ashamed of it now. It was a cruel, evil thing to think. He opens his mouth wide. 

Orange stares for a long time. So long, that he gets tired of keeping his mouth open, and it hurts worse, but he keeps his mouth open until Orange gently pushes at his chin. Orange looks tired, and maybe sad. It's hard to tell. Orange says a few calm, quiet things, and gets up. He can see Orange, and knows exactly where he's going. Instead of waiting, he dives back into the water. 

Orange should go to his own nest. The sun will be up soon, but Orange should still sleep, because he is tired. He doesn't want Orange to leave, not really, but that is what should happen. He can't tell Orange that, so he decides that leaving is best. If he isn't there, Orange doesn't have a reason to stay. From the bottom of the pond, he watches as Orange comes back to the water's edge, and looks for him. Orange doesn't find him, and he waits. He wants to go back up, but he doesn't. Orange should go to his nest. He wants to sleep too, even if he wants the company more. 

After a long time of watching, and waiting, Orange leaves. Orange places the little orange set of flowers by the water's edge, and walks away. He comes up to the surface to watch him go, and is both happy and sad when Orange does not turn back around. The girl always does, but Orange doesn't. 

When Orange is gone, and he can't even hear his soft foot falls in the human place, he swim to the water's edge, and looks at the pretty little orange flowers. It doesn't seem fair that Orange can give him 'thank you' flowers, but that he can't give them back. For the first time in his life, he wishes he could walk, even if just a little.


	8. Closer

The next morning, he wakes to the girl calling for him. He is usually awake before she comes, but this time, he is not. He would like to keep sleeping, but he wants the attention more. He feels bad for not coming to see her before. He doesn't want her to be mad, and he doesn't want her to stop coming, so he gets out of his nest, and swims up to the surface. 

He pokes his head out of the water slowly, afraid that she will be mad at him, but she is not. She is on the land above the water, and the second she sees him, her face is bright, and the smile on her face gets bigger. She plays with her hair and jumps in excitement. She is happy to see him, very happy to see him. It makes him happy too, but also ashamed. He shouldn't have hidden from her, she is always happy to see him, and he doesn't want her to ever stop coming to see him. She's like sunshine, he needs her.

It is silly, because he knows he can't touch her, but he reaches out, straining his hand as high as it will go. Her reaction is different than normal. Instead of chirping at him, her eyes widen and she takes a step back. There is a firmness when her bird voice speaks again, and her face is set in stone. She shakes her head, and he knows that he has done something wrong. He knows he isn't suppose to touch her, knows that he isn't suppose to reach for her, but he wants to anyway. 

He returns his arm to the water. He wants to hide again, but he doesn't want her to leave. He stays, and watches her as she chatters away, and makes hand gestures. He wonders if she can tell he is sad.

The girl doesn't stay as long as she usually does, and he watches her as she spins on her little human feet, and starts to walk away from him. There isn't anything he can do but watch her as his sadness gets thicker. She is almost to the mouth of the human place, when Orange suddenly appears. He is instantly nervous. Before, the big humans didn't want Orange to be here at all, how will the girl react? He doesn't want Orange to stop coming either. He watches with worry, as the two talk quietly. He wishes he could understand, and hopes she isn't telling Orange not to come back. He doesn't think Orange would listen, he hopes Orange wouldn't listen, but is still very worried.

The wide range of emotions on the girls face is hard to discern. It changes quickly, as she chatters away at Orange. Orange remains the same, with his very blank brown eyes showing very little. But he talks, oh how Orange talks at this girl. Orange says so much! How he wishes humans were not so complicated. 

Orange starts moving towards the water's edge, and he watches in horror as the girl reaches out and takes Orange's hand. She is stopping Orange. She has that same, hard look on her face that she did before. She is telling Orange no. She is telling him not to go to the water's edge. 

He cries out, and it is a desperate, needy sound. He swims to the edge of the water, keeping his eyes squarely on the two humans. They are looking at him. The girl is surprised, she is blinking over at him with wide eyes. Orange looks as he normally does. Within a few moments Orange shakes off her hand, and walks towards him. He is relieved. Orange didn't listen to her. 

Orange sits down by the water, and instead of sitting with his legs folded, he takes off the things on his human feet, and places his legs in the water. He is very happy, this is new. He pokes and prods and pulls at Orange's legs. Not hard enough to hurt, and not hard enough to make Orange come into the water, but enough to show that he is interested and happy. Orange says something. He looks up, and notices that Orange is looking backwards at the girl. He cranes his head over to see, and she is looking at the both of them with surprise. 

She slowly starts to take a few steps towards the edge of the water. He is amazed. He has been trying and trying to get her to come closer for so long, and Orange got her to do it once. He is jealous, but more importantly, he is overwhelmingly happy. He wishes he could give Orange one of the thank you flowers. 

The girl gets closer, and closer, Orange's calm voice seems to coax her. Maybe she can see that he is not hurting Orange, maybe she really was worried he would hurt her. The thought makes him sad, but he is still too happy to think about that much. When she is close enough for him to reach out at her, he gets nervous. What if she doesn't like him after this? Will she stop coming if he touches her? He doesn't know, and without realizing it, he hides behind Orange's legs. Orange might hurt him, but he is sure he understands Orange, and that he is not going to stop coming. He doesn't know about the girl. 

He looks up at Orange, asking what he should do next. Orange gives him the regular look, and nods his head towards the girl. Slowly, he moves Orange's legs aside, so that he isn't hiding behind them, and edges closer to the girl. She blinks down at him, and he can't read her face at all. It makes him nervous. 

Now that he is in front of her, now that he can reach out and touch her, he doesn't know what to do. He looks at Orange again, but Orange only does the same thing, and nods towards her. Slowly, he reaches out to her. She take a step back, and his confidence crumbles. He is back hiding behind Orange's legs in a flash, and she is blinking at him. Orange reaches down, and his small human hand pats at wet hair. He sulks for a few seconds, before coming out from behind Orange's legs, and trying again. 

This time, when he reaches out, she takes a step back, and he stops, but doesn't leave. Orange reaches out his hand to the girl, and she takes it, before her eyes are back on him. He gums at the inside of his mouth nervously, then moves forward again. He touches her leg, because it is the easiest thing to touch. It is soft, and warm. It isn't so different from Orange's, but the fact that he touched her, that he reached out, and touched her fills him with such happiness, that he cannot contain it. 

He swims away as fast as he can, retrieves one of the water flowers and bounds back. He offers it to her, his arm stretching as far as it will go. Please take it, he thinks. Please, please, please. Slowly, she reaches down, and scoops it out of his hand. She touched him. She really touched him, and she accepted his gift. He is ecstatic. He wants to do flips and sing as loud and as happily as he can. 

Instead, he settles for hoisting himself up, so that he can place his head in Orange's lap, and plays with Orange's legs. Orange made this happen. He doesn't know how, but Orange has convinced he girl that she can come to the water's edge. He couldn't be more thankful. He is going to have to find an appropriate way of saying thank you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. It's to short, but it felt done.


	9. Anxiety

The girl doesn't stay long. She chatters away at Orange for a while, before she gives Orange, and him, that bright beautiful smile. Then the girl walks away into the human place. As always, she turns back to look before disappearing. Orange watches her go, but his face is the same as always. Orange is strange, he never knows what he's thinking. Humans are strange in general, but he feels like Orange is very strange, even for a human. 

Orange still has his legs in the water, and now that the girl is gone, he can give this new development the attention it deserves. He goes back to poking and prodding them. He pays close attention to Orange's feet. They're oddly shaped, and he pokes and prods and pulls just a bit. Humans are strange. Orange doesn't seem to mind much. There are a few places that when he touches them, Orange starts just a bit, but he makes sure not to touch those areas again. Maybe parts of human feet are sensitive. He makes a note of those parts and doesn't prod them again. 

When he looks up at Orange, he notices that Orange looks like he is in deep thought. His brown eyes are looking off into the distance, and he follows Orange's gaze to see if he is looking at anything. If Orange is looking at anything, he can't see it. He reaches up and pokes at Orange's cheek, then those brown eyes are looking down at him again. He doesn't know why that's important, but it is. Orange says something, and it is calm and soft and nice. Orange's voice isn't as pretty as the girls voice, but it is also good. It is much calmer. 

It occurs to him at that exact moment, that the girl didn't seem upset, or angry that Orange was there. The large human had been angry before, but the girl wasn't. He doesn't know what that means, but he realizes that this is the fourth day in a row that Orange has come to visit him. Orange has never come so consistent before. He wonders what has changed, and dares to hope that Orange will come every day now, like the girl. He is also resolved to defend Orange if the large humans try to take him away again. He doesn't have claws, or teeth, but his arms are strong. He'll be able to, if he has to. Orange is a runt, but he decides right then and there, that Orange is his runt now.

With that in mind, he watches those brown eyes look at him for a few seconds, before he lets go of Orange's legs, and sinks down into the water. When he surfaces a while later, Orange is getting ready to leave. Orange is putting on the things that he always has over his feet, but his brown eyes look over when he surfaces. He tosses a wriggling fish at Orange, and is amused when Orange tries to catch it, and fails as it flops around. The first order of business is to make sure his runt eats enough. He can do that, even if looking at that fish makes him hungry. He reminds himself that he will be fine for several more days until his new sets of teeth have grown in. He will wait, and then gorge himself, like he would in the ocean. That way he has more time to catch fish for Orange. He'll never be able to defend Orange on land, but he can at least make sure that Orange eats right, and if Orange eats right, he'll get bigger. It isn't enough. Might never be enough, but he doesn't have many choices. 

Orange grabs the fish as it flops on the ground, then looks at him for a long time. He meets Orange's eyes without looking away, trying to say something without words. When Orange finally looks away, he thinks maybe he succeeded. Orange takes the fish with him, and leaves. 

He tells himself that it is okay that he is alone again, even if he knows it is a lie.

\/

The girl comes back in the afternoon. The girl has never come back in the afternoon. She comes in the morning, and some times in the evening, but never in the afternoon. He is lounging on the terrace of the first level of the water fall. He is letting the water trickle over and under him, and being as still and quiet as he can as the sun warms his skin. If he is quiet, and still enough, the birds will come and stand on him, as if he was some great rock sticking out of the water for them to land upon. It's strange, to feel their little feet on his flesh, as they hop around, but it's a good feeling. It's something to do that isn't chasing fish he can't eat, and isn't sleeping during the day when he should be doing things, and he so loves to hear the sound of their wings flutter and their chirping between one another. Plus, while he waits, he can think of how he should thank Orange. It is a good place for thinking. 

There are three tiny little brown birds on him, and he is working hard not to twitch and scatter them, when he hears the sound of little human feet. He twitches his tail and the little birds fly away in a great fluttering sound of wings. He would be upset, but he can tell the sound of the girl's footsteps from anyone else's. He knows she is coming, and he is both anxious and excited. He doesn't know if he should wait for her on the rock, or if he should wait for her at the water's edge. He frets over the decision so much, that he almost doesn't hear the second set of footsteps, but he does.

He is instantly wary, his excitement draining away. She always comes alone. Why is another human with her today? The foot falls are also small, not the great clumping of the larger humans that sometimes walk around in the human place. Another small human? He can tell it isn't Orange. He can tell how Orange walks, and that isn't it, the sound isn't right. 

On instinct, he dives off of the waterfall's terrace, and positions himself in a place that is easy to hide in. He can still see out of the water from where he is, but there are plants that make it hard for them to see him, or so he hopes. He can hide there no matter where she decides to go. He'll need to hide until he decides this new human is safe. The girl brought this new human, so it should be safe, but he doesn't want to take risks. 

From where he is hiding, he sees when the girl hops and dances onto the bit of land above the water, and the boy she brings with her. He's almost upset she didn't go to the water's edge, but he doesn't want the new human there yet, so he knows he is not making sense. He is happy to see that the water flower he gave her is sitting on her strange little human ear. It looks nice there, with her hair around it. The boy is bigger than she is, and bigger than Orange too, but not too big. He doesn't know if the boy is a threat, but he doesn't look like it. 

The girl is holding the boy's hand, chattering away in her birdsong voice with a smile on her face. The boy looks at her and is paying very close attention to what she says. He notices that while she is holding the boy's hand, the boy is not holding hers. The girl looks over at the rock, where she would normally see him, and she blinks, chirps at the boy, and then calls for him. 

He is suppose to come. He knows that, and he will come, but he is hesitant at first. Why did she bring the boy with her? Is he someone new that is going to come more? Are they friends? Is she showing him to the boy? He doesn't know. As with many things, he doesn't understand the girl at all. She calls a second, third, and fourth time, and on the fourth time he comes up to the surface. 

He doesn't get on the rock, because he doesn't want the boy to see him that well. Instead, he just comes up so that his eyes are above the water, and looks out at the two humans. They're too high up to reach down and touch him, but it's better to be cautious. 

The girl smiles down at him brightly, tugs on the boy's hand, and pointing towards him. He doesn't know how he feels about that. He thinks of all the interesting things Orange gives him to look at. All the pretty little human things that Orange hand him, and that he pokes and prods and plays with before hoarding them away in his nest. If he had anyone to show those things to, he probably would. He wonders if he is like one of those interesting things to her. He hopes not. 

The boy gets closer so he can get a better look. He thinks about being childish. He thinks about splashing the boy, but that would be mean. He doesn't want the girl mad at him, and he thinks she would get mad. But he doesn't want the boy looking at him either. He doesn't like how the boy is looking at him, it makes him feel small. He doesn't like how the girl is holding the boy's hand, and how the boy isn't holding her hand. He would like to hold hands with the girl, the boy is dumb to not be happy about it. He doesn't like that the boy can listen to her, and understand, that isn't fair either. He doesn't like how the boy is leaning over the strip of land, like the boy wants to jump into the water. The boy is to interested, he doesn't understand, and he doesn't like it. 

He wants to pop back under the water and hide until they leave. He wants to, but he doesn't. The girl wants him out so that she and the boy can see him. He doesn't know why, but he knows that's what she wants. He doesn't dare leave. She keeps chirping at the boy, and then making gestures to him. She wants him to get on the rock, so that the boy can get a better look at him. He likes the girl, he doesn't want her to be angry, or upset with him, and he doesn't want to disappoint her, but he isn't going to do it. He is not going to get on the rock, so that the boy can see all of him. He still hasn't decided if the boy is a threat or not. He doesn't want the boy to see how small he really is. The water will make him look bigger, and scarier. He doesn't have claws or teeth now, so he has to use lot of different tricks to keep others away. He even thinks about hissing, but the girl is there, he's never hissed while the girl was there. 

Instead, he stays in the water, with only his eyes peering out at the two of them. The girl keeps chattering, she looks like she is disappointed. He doesn't like that he has disappointed her, but this is important. Humans are dangerous. 

The boy is still looking at him when he speaks to the girl. The boys voice is light, not airy like the girl's, and not calm and measured like Orange's, but light. The boy darts his eyes to the girl, and then back to him. The girl says something in answer, and for a while, the two humans talk, and he watches. He is worried. Is the girl going to start bringing more humans here? He doesn't know what to think of it, because he won't be as alone if more humans come, but it'll be humans. Evil, cruel, humans that he doesn't know. The feeling that comes to him is anxiety.

He watches the girl and the boy, and they chatter together. He wants to understand. He knows they're talking about him, because they keep gesturing towards him with their little human hands, but he can't understand. He wants to understand. What are they saying? He is suddenly very tired. Just as he gets used to one new thing, something else comes and makes him anxious again. 

He's happy the girl doesn't take the boy to the water's edge. He feels like she is staying away from him, even after he gave her the present. That hurts deep in his chest, but it's better than having the boy to close. He's not ready for the boy to be close. Not yet. He tells himself that maybe, he could get used to the boy too, but he can't fight down the anxiety. He feels like things are changing, that this new boy is going to bring trouble.


	10. Worry

The girl comes a third time in the evening, just as the sun is starting to disappear. She sometimes comes twice a day, but never three times. It could mean she wants to spend more time with him, or it could mean that something is changing. He suspects it is change, though he dares to hope that it is for the other reason. 

This time, she comes alone, and he is much happier. She also doesn't stand out on the strip of land, where he can't reach her. She stands just out of reach, but close to the water's edge. It is so much better. He still can't touch her, but it's a start. She's just so much closer, and it makes him hopeful. Maybe she might not think he's scary. Maybe she might not think he wants to hurt her. He doesn't. He doubts he will ever want to hurt her, even if she does something evil. He can tell that she is good, even if she is a human. 

She stands there for a long time, twirling on her little human feet. Her voice is not like it normally is either. It is smaller. The girl sounds like she is worried. Maybe not scared, but worried. Is something making her act this way, or is she still afraid of him? He doesn't know, but he watches her with concern. He hopes that when she looks at him, she doesn't think he will hurt her, or drag her down to the bottom of the pond. But she doesn't look at him, not for a long while. She just keeps twirling on her feet, and bunching up her pretty yellow hair. 

He doesn't know what is happening. Why is she here? The more he watches her, the more worried he gets. She is hiding something. It is a small something, but she's keeping it behind her back, where he can't see it. It makes him anxious. 

When she finally takes a few small steps forward, he almost swims away from the water's edge. She is worried, and she is making him worried. It is hard not to swim away, but he doesn't. He stays, with his head out of the water. 

She stops, and then takes a few steps more. He could reach her now, if he wanted to. He does want to, but he doesn't want to scare her. He doesn't know what he can do to help, so he waits for her. 

Slowly, she pulls her hand from behind her back, and extends it out to him. She even bends over, so that he will be able to reach it more easily. In her hand, is set of the blue, shell shaped flowers. The same kind of flowers that Orange gave him. The ones that mean trust. He looks at them, shuttering in her little hand, then looks back up at her. Does she know what they mean? Is it a coincident? Do they mean the same thing to her? Are they important? Is she really, really asking him to trust her, as she stands there, her hand nervously shaking?

There are so many questions, and he thinks that maybe he will never answer all of them. This only worked with Orange, because Orange trusted him. The girl, she doesn't. Can he trust her, when she doesn't trust him? He surprises himself, by tentatively reaching up. The girl doesn't flinch, which is good. If she had flinched, he would have backed away, but she doesn't. He slowly reaches up, and takes the flowers. He sinks back into the water, and watches as the little shell shaped flowers quiver in his grasp. The answer is yes. He will trust her, or, at the very least, he will try. If that is what she is asking at all. For all he knows, the blue flowers mean something else to her, or nothing at all. But he doesn't want to think that way. They mean something between he and Orange. They should mean something here too. It's important. 

She takes a step back, and smiles so brightly and beautifully at him. He is happy to see it, but it does not take away the worry that eats at him. Why does he need to trust her? Why hasn't he needed to in the past? What is different? Is it the boy? Did she not like how he acted around the boy? If he trusted her, maybe he really would have come out, but now, he almost has to. He hopes that isn't what she wants. He accepted her flowers, he should keep to that agreement, and trust her from now on. He tells himself, that he will try. 

The first time Orange gave him the blue flowers, he lost his teeth. He shivers at the thought. What will it be this time?

The girl does not stay for much longer. He wants to hide, but he stays out with her, trying not the gnaw on his fingers. Instead, he holds the little blue flowers close to his chest, smelling them, and running his fingers along their soft shape. His eyes look at the girl, but they also look in other places. He's afraid something is going to jump out at him. He thinks that sleeping that night is going to be very hard.

When she turns to leave, the sun has disappeared, and darkness is setting in. There will be no moon tonight. If something comes for him, he'll only hear it. His night vision isn't bad, but it's better with the moon's light. It will be better when he's older, but now it isn't so good. The girl turns back, as she leaves, and waves her little hand, before disappearing into the human place.

He carefully places the little blue flower onto the big rock in the middle of the pond, and then wanders down to one of his nests. He tries to sleep, but it is much too hard. His mind keeps imagining one horrible scenario after another. Trust is so painful. He thinks of Orange helping the big humans take his teeth. He thinks of almost killing Orange. He doesn't want to know what will happen with the girl. 

He is to alert, so when the sound of little footsteps echoes in the dark night, he dashes to the water's edge. He knows those foot falls. He is relieved when he sees that he was right. Orange is walking towards the water's edge, with a glowing thing held in one hand. 

He is relieved. Orange will know what is going on. Then he stops for just a moment, and he thinks. Orange has never come twice in one day. Not ever. Just like the girl. He is instantly wary. Both Orange and the girl know that something is going to happen. He looks down at Orange's hand, and he wants to sink back into the water. There's another set of pretty blue, shell shaped flowers. They're working together. Something is going to happen, and both the girl and Orange know. He's the only one that doesn't. It isn't fair. 

As if Orange can tell he is upset, Orange walks over, removes the things on his feet, and dangles his little human legs into the water like earlier in the day. Even though he is anxious, he swims closer, and hoists himself up, so that he can lay his head on top of Orange's legs. He makes a point of not looking up at Orange. It isn't because he's mad, it's because he's worried. He's worried what he will see if he looks at Orange right in the face. Instead, he reaches under one of Orange's legs, and squeezes the muscles he can feel there. They aren't big yet, not like the big human ones, but they probably will be. He wonders what Orange will look like as a big human. How long will his legs get? Will his eyes show more? Will his hair be longer? He can't imagine it, and wonders if he's going to see it for himself one day, or not. 

He hears Orange place the glowing thing down. From here, with his head on Orange's lap, he can see the glowing thing as it reflects off the water. It's pretty. It's a warm sort of glow, not like the moon or the stars. It is, ironically, an orange color. He closes his eyes, and when he opens them again, Orange is dangling those blue flowers in front of his face. The sound that comes out of him is something of a whimper and a groan at the same time. He closes his eyes again. 

A few seconds later Orange's other hand is running through his hair. He has to stop himself from making a sound of contentment. He is still worried. Blue flowers mean trust. Blue flowers mean they're going to test his trust. Blue flowers can mean pain, but humans are so warm. Orange's leg under his cheek is warm, and the hand petting and playing with his hair is warm, and the flesh of Orange's leg held in his fingers is warm. Humans are mean, because they play such cruel games, and they make him so nervous, and they hurt him, but Orange is there, and Orange is warm. It isn't enough, it might never be enough, but he is happy for it none the less.

He blinks his eyes open, and gently takes the blue shell shaped flowers from Orange's hand. He twirls them lazily in his fingers, watching as they quiver and shudder. Maybe flowers get scared too, they're so small and beautiful.

He finally turns his head, and looks up at Orange's face. He wonders if Orange can see that he is worried, that he is upset, and nervous, and anxious. He hopes. Orange's face is normal, but his eyes are different. It's not a big different, just a little different. He thinks he understands. Just like he is trying to tell Orange something with his eyes, Orange is telling him something to. 

He chooses to believe that Orange's eyes are telling him that everything is going to be okay. It's not like he'll ever know, so what's the harm in hoping.


	11. Skin

Orange doesn't stay for very long. It's hard to tell for sure, but he knows it isn't long enough. It isn't like he thinks Orange can protect him, because he knows better. Orange is a runt, he probably doesn't have a lot of choices about things. Orange probably can't help him, even if he wants to. But it isn't that. It's not that Orange is going to keep the cruel humans away. It's just nice to have someone there, someone warm that he can feel and touch and that he isn't afraid of. So, even if Orange stayed a long time, it wouldn't be enough. 

He knows that, so when Orange gently coaxes him off of his lap, he doesn't protest. He wants to. He wants to grab on and shake his head, in the way that he knows means 'no' for humans. He wants to hold tight enough that Orange can't leave. 

He doesn't. He silently slides deeper into the water, and watches quietly as Orange pulls his legs away. It is late. Orange needs to sleep. He needs to sleep. He is tired. He's worried and anxious, but also tired. He wants to sleep. He tells himself all these things, and they are all true. He still watches anxiously as Orange slips on the things he wears over his feet, and grabs the glowing light. Orange walks away, but just before he disappears into the mouth of the human place, he turns around, and looks. He is sure that in the dark, Orange can't see him. Orange can only see the shadows and darkness around the water, as it reflects the orange light, and the glimmer of the stars. Orange can't see him, but Orange looked back, before disappearing. He isn't sure if he is happy, or if he is anxious. Probably both.

He places the little blue flowers on the rock, next to the blue flowers the girl gave him. If something horrible happens, he wants the girl, and Orange to be able to see them. 

He swims down to the nest he feels safest in, and curls up. He gnaws on his fingers, and tries to sleep.

\/

He wakes to the sound of pounding human feet. Whatever calm, resigned feelings Orange had given him the night before are gone. He is now alert and anxious. He hears lots of feet. Lots and lots of big human feet, all around the pond. He can't tell how many there are. 

This is the safest nest, because no one outside of the water can see him. But, that also means that he cannot see anything above the water either. He huddles in his little nest, and watches as human shaped shadows play across the bottom of the pond. He is almost thankful he doesn't have his teeth, he would have chewed off all his fingers by now if he did. 

The humans are doing something in the garden. Not his garden, he reminds himself. The only things that are his, are his nests, and Orange, who he has claimed. It doesn't matter, as long as they stay in the garden. He can stay right here, hiding in his nest, as long as they don't come and get him. He doesn't know how they could. The pond is to deep for humans, but he knows they could. Even if they can't reach him, it doesn't matter. All they need to do is get Orange to call him, like before. He took the blue flowers, he has to come if Orange calls. He took the blue flowers from the girl too. If she calls he will have to come. 

He is fighting these thoughts, these fears away, when he hears a great splash, and he screams. It startled him, he shouldn't have screamed. Now, he can't hear the footsteps pounding out of the water in the garden. They all must have heard him. They're coming for him, and there's nothing he can do. He curls tighter into his ball, and clamps his hand over his mouth. They can't hear him again, or they'll find him. He wants to close his eyes, but he doesn't dare. 

He expects some great lumbering human to poke it's ugly head into his hiding place, to grab him, and drag him up to the surface. Even if logic tells him that it's impossible. Even if he knows he should be able to drown the human before it can drag him up. It doesn't matter. He is scared, and he's alone. Anything is possible. 

It doesn't happen. No huge human comes to grab him. The only thing that happens, is that slowly, the feet start moving around again. There are so many, he can't keep track of them. Then, he starts to see new fish swimming around the pond. Is this what the sound was? Were the humans putting more fish in the pond? He doesn't know, and it doesn't make a lot of sense. These fish, he has never seen before. They can be smaller than his eye, or larger than his arm in size, and there are all different sizes. Most are a beautiful red orange color, but some are white, and some are black. They glisten beautifully in the sunlight, like his tail will when he's older. They are gorgeous. He wants to go look at them, maybe play with them a bit, but it will wait. Maybe, they are poisonous, and the humans are trying to kill him. Maybe the humans just think they are beautiful to look at. He wonders for a few seconds, if that's what the humans think of him. Is he just a pretty fish to keep in this pond? He shakes the idea away. He isn't pretty at all. His scales are still dull. Maybe when he is older, he will be nice to look at. For now, he is not, so it is a silly thought. 

He stays curled up in his nest, unable to see all the humans pounding around the pond. They should go away. He doesn't know why they came. Only the girl, and Orange come here. Except, that boy came. The boy the girl brought. That was a change, something new. This is something new too. Suddenly, he is sure the boy is up there, looking down into the water from the strip of land over head. Just looking and wanting and waiting with his curious eyes. He is sure, the boy is there. 

Time grows long. He can't rest or relax with so many large humans around him. They chatter to one another, and bang things, and make breathy noises. He is working hard enough to make sure his gills don't flutter more than they need too. He's afraid to come out from his hiding place, but also afraid to stay. Its torment. The new fish, the pretty orange ones, come to inspect him. They don't know he would gobble them up if he had teeth. They are dumb. He swats them away, but a big one larger than his arm bites him. He works hard not to make a sound at that, and wallops it. He tells himself that when his teeth grow back, he'll eat that big ugly one first.

Slowly, the number of footsteps dwindles. Some of the humans are leaving. What are they doing? Maybe they aren't waiting for him. Maybe they just came to see the garden. It is beautiful, but he scowls at that thought. Humans don't understand beauty at all. They wouldn't wear such strange skins if they did. But he hopes. 

They aren't staying. In fact, he can only hear a few still around. He thinks, just maybe, that it might be okay to look out. Two or three humans, is still two or three humans to many, but they are not five, or ten. He is still nervous, but he isn't gnawing on his fingers anymore. Now, maybe, he is more curious than nervous. Why did they come here, what did they do? Are they setting a trap for him? Are they just looking at the pretty plants? What was all the banging? Why did they put more fish into the pond? He has so many questions, and no answers.

Suddenly, something happens. All the new, pretty fish rush to the edge of the water in a huge swarm. He thinks that something must be happening. Is someone giving the new fish food? Fish in schools don't push and shove like those ones do. 

Slowly, he pokes his head out from his hiding place, but the swarm of orange, black, and white fish doesn't make it easy to see. He scowls. He'll eat a small one to find out if they're poisonous, and if they aren't, he's just going to eat as many as he likes. They may be pretty, but they're already a nuisance. He can already tell he will not like them. 

Cautiously, he swims up to the surface. He makes sure he is far enough away from the bank where he always meets Orange, then pops his head out of the water so that only his eyes are out. 

There is a human woman there. She is in a dark skin that makes her look bigger than she is, and her hair is all strange on top of her head. She is throwing things at the orange fish, and they are eating it. Stupid fish, he thinks. Then the woman looks up, and she sees him. People don't usually see him so fast. He's good at hiding. He's gotten very good at hiding, but she sees him. For a few seconds, they just look at each other, then the few seconds are over. Her eyes widen, and she screams. It scares him, and he dives back down into a different nest to hide. Even from where he is, he can hear the human woman gasping, her feet pounding against the ground very fast. 

Did he scare her? That seems like what happened, but it doesn't make any sense. He is much smaller than she is. He doesn't have claws, or teeth, and she is much, much bigger than he is. It isn't like he was close either. If he had popped up at her, like he did with the pack that was attacking Orange, he could understand, but he didn't. He was just watching, from a safe distance away. He is the one who's scared, not some grown human woman!

He can hear other feet now. The human he scared is calling for more. His anxiety gets higher. This is like last time, when only one large human came, and then yelled for more. That time, Orange fixed the problem, but now, Orange can't fix it for him. He doesn't know what else to do, so he hides.

He hears familiar footsteps, but then they are not familiar. They are different somehow. They sound like Orange, but they are not quite the same. Something is very different, and he doesn't know what. It confuses him. Is it Orange's footsteps he is hearing, or not? As if to answer him, he hears Orange's calm, even voice. It is him. 

He leaves his nest immediately, and swims up to the surface, but the big swarm of dumb fish is in the way, so he uses his hands to shove them aside. When they bite and nip at him, he hisses, and they scurry off. They don't know he will eat them, not yet. But they will. They'll get out of his way then. 

He breaks through the water, still hissing and shoving the dumb fish aside, and on the bank is Orange, but he is different. Usually, Orange wears very normal skins of brown and beige. The thinks he puts on his feet are not big, and they slip on and off easily. Today, Orange is wearing a different skin. It is blue, and it covers everything. The things on his feet are black, and he knows from experience, that they hurt. 

Orange is in the same skins that the people who caught him wore. 

Without thinking, he ducks back down into the water, so that only his eyes are above, and he backs away. Orange looks wrong in those skins. He looks scary, and mean, just like almost every other human. He doesn't like it, he wants to rip them off. 

Orange is speaking to a group of human women who are all crowded around the mouth of the human place. They are all in the same black skins, and their eyes look between Orange, and him. They look scared. He wants to laugh, what do human women have to fear from him? It is amazing, Orange speaks so calmly to the other humans. He is a lot shorter than them, but they are listening to his calm, even tone. Orange has a sort of magic about him, he thinks. When he speaks, people listen. 

When Orange stops talking, the human women chatter nervously for a few seconds, then disperse. Some move to the middle of the garden, where there is a new, big brown platform, with things for humans to sit on. Others move away, and into the great mouth of the human place. He looks at the platform, and the six things for humans to sit on. One of the women in black is setting things down on top of the platform. He doesn't know what humans do at platforms where they sit, but he isn't sure he wants to find out either. 

He looks over at Orange, who is talking to the human woman that got scared. She is holding a bucket, which is probably full of the things that she was feeding the dumb fish. She looks at him nervously, and he looks at her nervously back. He tries not to look at Orange, in blue skins, with white hands, and big black things on his feet. Orange convinces the human woman in black to leave, and she scuttles away fast. 

Then, Orange looks at him. It's the first time Orange has looked at him today. The first time since putting on those horrible skins. It is the same look last night. The look that he chose to believe meant that everything would be okay. He thinks he might have been wrong all along, but he decides to wait. Only time will tell if he has made a big mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter of My Soul To Take, tomorrow. Probably. Unless I am dead tired. But it should be tomorrow. It should have been today, but I wanted to write this.


	12. Lotus

Orange stays close to the water's edge. Not close enough that he can reach out and pull Orange closer, but close enough that if he makes any sounds, Orange will definitely hear it. He finds this both comforting, and concerning. It is nice that Orange stands between him, and the other humans. 

Normally, he would want to touch Orange for reassurance, but now he does not. Orange is wearing the blue skin, the one that the other humans wore. The evil ones. He does not like it at all. He hesitates to even reach out to Orange. Just looking at that blue skin, makes him remember the net that they dragged him out of the ocean in. Of the days and days of constant torment. Of making himself as small and unnoticeable as he could, so that no ugly human would look at him. Of his claws being ripped out, of murky water that made him sick. Of so many bad, horrible thinks he thought he was far away from. 

He has to remind himself that this is Orange. This is his Orange, but it is not so easy to forget what that blue skin means. 

He keeps his distance. He stays at the far end of the pond, with only his eyes peering out of the water. He is ready to dash away at any moment. He doesn't even know if he will stay if Orange comes toward him. He just doesn't know. He remembers the blue flowers, sitting delicately on the large rock, but he just doesn't know.

The human women in black stop bringing things for the brown platform. Only one or two stay behind, as the rest scurry off into the human place. The two that stay, stand like huge land plants, still and foreboding, with their hands holding each other in front of them. He looks over at Orange, and sees that Orange is standing like that too, tall and stiff for a small human, with his hands at his side. It is the tallest he has ever seen Orange before. He doesn't know what to think of it. Maybe someone important is coming. He looks at the platform, with the white skin draped over it, and the glistening silver items on top of that. Then he looks at the six things for humans to sit on. Maybe six important someone's are coming. 

The great mouth of the human place opens, and he jumps at the sound it makes, but he keeps himself where he is. There is a group of humans, and there are more people in blue skins. Many much bigger humans in the same blue skins as Orange. He feels his hands slowly start to reach up towards his mouth, when he sees her, and his fingers stop. He sees the girl. She is in front. Just as always, she is beautiful. She wears the only set of white skin there, and it flows in the slight breeze. Her hair is wrong. Instead of flowing in waves around her, it is all arranged in intricate patterns on her head. He doesn't know how humans do such things. 

She is in front, but she is not the only one. There are more large human men in blue, but there are also different people. There is the boy. He recognizes the boy instantly, and the boy looks over at him, when the girl did not. The boy's searching, prying eyes make him want to hiss, but he looks at Orange, who shakes his head, and he does not. Trust, he tells himself. Trust. 

There are two large men, their skins are a strange kind of red, that reminds him of sun sets. They look mean, and he is afraid of them with only once glance, but it is the two that are behind the red skinned humans, that make him freeze. Both are in grey skins, that looks a lot like the blue Orange wears. It is also frighteningly familiar. One is a woman. She is very pretty for a human, with long black hair, and he can tell by how she walks, that she is confident. It is the other, the man, that makes him gnaw on his fingers without even realizing it. He has black hair too, and a big nose, and small, evil eyes that look at him. The human man in gray smiles. 

He remembers that human. That human was there when they caught him. That human loved being cruel. That human had laughed when they pulled out his claws. That human had kicked over the tank, and had been happy when he'd wailed in distress. That human had liked to sneak up on him, and scare him in the middle of the night. That human was cruel, and evil, and big, and strong. 

He remembers that human, and instead of wailing in distress like he wants to, he growls deep and low in his throat. The sound is low enough, that the other humans don't notice, but Orange does. Orange looks over at him, and shakes his head every so slightly, in the way he knows means 'no' to humans. 

He doesn't want those little black eyes looking at him like they are. He thinks of all the times he wanted to get away from them before, and he sinks down into the water as quietly as he can. He needs to hide. He can't be out there. He needs to be away. His curiosity is not enough, he needs to be away. He doesn't want that human to see him, or to ever see that human again. 

He swims down into one of the hidden nests, curls up into a ball, and tries not to make a sound. He remembers that if he was quiet, sometimes, they would leave him alone. He doesn't feel safe, but at least he can't see that human, and at least that human can't see him. He tucks his head into his tail fin, holds himself into a tight ball, and waits, chanting 'go away, go away, go away' in his head over and over. 

He waits for a long time. He can hear the sounds the humans make. The girl's voice, as it chirps, doesn't sound as happy as it does when she chirps at him. There are two very deep voices, those must be the humans that were in the sunset red. The light voice must be the beautiful woman. She doesn't say much. The boy speaks even less. Only a few times. The human he remembers, talks a lot, and every time he hears that voice, he flinches. He wants to sob when the human laughs. Instead, he nuzzles his head deeper into his tail fin, and bites down hard on his hand not to make any sounds. 

He feels like he has been hiding for a very long time, but the humans are still out there. They are making strange sounds he can't place, and talking with one another. He just wants them to go away. He hopes the girl doesn't listen to the cruel human. That one will tell her horrible things. 

Humans chatter so much, he will never understand it. What are they talking about? Why are they here? Don't they have better things to do? Did Orange and the girl plan this? Why? Why are they doing this to him? He remembers the blue flowers, and tells himself to trust. The girl and Orange are not cruel. They are good humans, but is hard. It is so very hard, when he can hear that evil human laughing above him. He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand at all.

Then, almost out of nowhere, he hears the girl's dainty footsteps. Does that mean they will leave? The girl led them in, will she also lead them out? He can hope, he does hope. Those hopes are dashed, when her crystal voice reaches him. She is calling for him. Everything stops. She's calling him. He has to go up. None of the humans have left, he would have heard them. They're all quiet, waiting for him, and she wants him to come up. She's going to show him off, like she did with the boy. Only, now, it's going to be in front of big scary humans. It's going to be in front of that human too. Some small voice inside him says that Orange is out there too. It's both the girl and Orange, and they both like him, and they won't just let anyone hurt him. But that voice dies when he remembers that Orange is a runt. The girl is small, and she is not commanding. The other humans are big and strong, and his closest allies are a little girl and a runt. 

It's wrong. It's all so very wrong. 

She calls him a second time. He has no choice. He agreed that he would trust her, despite how she does not trust him. He took the flowers. If he ignores them now, it means nothing. His only way of communicating will be gone. If the flowers mean nothing, then they'll never understand him. He has to do this. He can't reach them any other way. 

Slowly, he uncurls himself, and swims to the surface. 

She is there waiting for him, as he slowly pushes his head out of the water. She is closer than she has ever been before. She is beautiful, like some delicate, graceful bird, and she is smiling. It is the nicest smile she has ever given him. It is almost enough to make him forget, that all of the humans are watching him, but it is not enough. He shifts his gaze, and at least one of the large human men in the sunset red skin, is standing far to close. Not as close as the girl, but still far to close. The human is glaring own at him, his eyes like ice. 

The other humans except Orange, are sitting at the platform, but they are all watching. Orange is not close, Brown eyes look back at him, and he tries to be calm like Orange. His eyes finally fall on the cruel one in the grey skin. That human smiles at him, and for just a moment, white gleaming teeth show through his mouth. He suddenly remembers that he bit that human. Bit as hard as he could, and was punished for it. 

He is starting to panic. His gills start to flap faster than they should, and the hiss starts low in his throat. Orange has taken a step forward, he will help. He has to help. 

Then girl calls him once more, and he forces his attention back to her. She smiles at him, and in her green eyes, he is sure that she is saying she is sorry. That she is so very sorry. For once, she doesn't chatter. He doesn't know why this is happening, but he tries to calm down. Looking at her helps. Knowing that he could reach her right now, and that there is no trace of fear in her, helps.

She points above her ear. It takes him a few seconds to know what she wants. Once he realizes, he blinks at her. This has never happened before. 

He dives, and disappears under the water. A minute later, he pops up again, but this time, he is very close to her. In fact, he finds that he startles the human standing with the sunset red skin. That human reaches out for the girl, to pull he back. The girl surprises him. Her voice is calm, and commanding. The man standing by stops, and lets her go. She looks down at him, and smiles. If he thought the other smile was best, this is better. She really is the most beautiful human he will ever see. He hesitates for just a moment, then reaches up his hand. Inside, is one of the water flowers. One of the ones that he gave her, that she put in her hair, and wore all day. 

Without any hesitation, without any fear or reservations, she reaches down, cups his hand in both of hers, and takes it from him. She delicately places it above her ear. It almost feels like the girl in front of him isn't the same one he knows. It doesn't seem like the strange girl that chirps at him. It doesn't seem like the girl who didn't want Orange to get close to him. It doesn't seem like the girl that trembled as she gave him that beautiful blue flower. This girl is that same girl, but she is more. She is so much more. How could he have not seen it before? She is grace and splendor, beauty and trust. 

The other cruel humans don't matter. Not the one trying to convince her to step back, and not the cruel one that is sneering at him. She matters, and she will always matter more than the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize to everyone following My Soul To Take. I am putting it on a very short hiatus until further notice, or until this story is complete. I intend that to be very soon. Expect fast updates.


	13. Honeysuckle

The girl doesn't stay long after that. She smiles at him, and says something in her lovely voice, but her eyes are saying 'Thank you' and 'I'm sorry' at the same time. He is sure of it. Then the girl turns and addresses the rest of the humans. She speaks calmly and clearly with that commanding air that he still is not used to. He is surprised when the other humans stand, and lower themselves in front of her. 

If he had not seen her just now, he never would have believed it. Never would have believed that such a small, sweet girl could make larger, meaner humans lower themselves to her. Humans are so strange, so very, very strange. 

He watches with interest as the girl walks to the mouth of the human place, and how all the other humans except Orange start to follow her. The two humans in the sunset red skins look at him, the one with ice eyes glowers down at him, but the other one does not. The other one, that has said very little this whole time, looks at him with something strange in his eyes, and smiles. He doesn't know what that means, but he doesn't flinch. The woman leaves without a second glance at him. The child meekly follows the large human with the ice eyes. Now that he really looks, the boy has the same ice eyes as the older. Are they kin? Their eyes and hair are the same, and the boy follows very closely behind. 

It is the cruel one that leaves last, and that human takes the time to look at him, to sneer and taunt him silently. Then Orange is right there, and his calm voice startles the cruel human in grey. He sees that hand raise, and he knows that the larger human is going to strike Orange. He's seen it, he knows. He hisses loudly, and growls, coming as close to the bank as he can. 

How dare that cruel human even think of hitting Orange! He almost hopes that the large cruel human will get closer, because he wants to reach out, and drag him down. How dare he. 

The large human's hand stops long before it strikes Orange, and those little black eyes are looking right at him. He growls again, and it almost sounds like he's grown, almost sounds like the predator he is meant to be. It isn't a threat, it's a promise. 

The cruel human just looks at him, before his eyes narrow, and he walks away. 

For a few seconds, it is only Orange and him in the garden. It's only a few seconds, before the women in black rush in, but those few seconds are important. Orange looks over at him, and for the first time, Orange smiles. It isn't big, or emotional. On any other human it wouldn't look like anything, but he knows Orange, he knows his Orange, and his Orange doesn't smile. It is very important. 

Then of course the human women in black rush in and the whole thing is ruined. He almost wants to growl at them to leave, but he doesn't. He watches with curiosity, as the human women scurry around, and throw uneasy glances at him. He remembers that they are afraid of him, and that it doesn't make any sense. Humans are so strange. 

The women in black finish quickly, and scurry off, except for one. The one that had the bucket before. He understands that she is afraid, so he backs away. She seems thankful, and starts throwing things from the bucket into the water. 

In one massive push, all the orange, white, and black fish milling about swim to the surface where the food is. They are pushy things, grubbing and annoying as they team around him. He scowls at them, and at the woman, before he dives below the hoard. Dumb fish. He's going to eat all of them one day. They're big and fat and slow and dumb. 

When the cloud of hungry, nipping mouths disperses, and he pokes his head out of the water again, all of the humans are gone. He sees that the platform is still there, but all of the things that were on top of it are gone. He wonders if that means this is going to keep happening. Are the humans going to come back, and sit and talk forever? He doesn't know. Maybe the humans do like this pretty place. 

He thinks of the woman in black that got scared. Do many humans think he is scary? He thinks the girl did, but he can't be sure now. Were they afraid he'd hurt someone? He doesn't know. He's small, and as long as the humans leave him alone, he won't hurt them. But, he can't tell them that, so maybe they don't know. They must know that they scare him a lot more than he scares them. There are so many of them, and he is just by himself, and he is small. 

He decides that humans are just very, very strange, and leaves it at that. He worries what it will mean when he actually starts understanding them.

\/

Orange returns later in the day, and he is in his regular skins again. The ones that show off his round knees, and his little legs. He feels silly, for being so upset about skins, but he is very happy to see his Orange look more normal. He happily bounds over to the bank, as Orange slips off the things he keeps on his feet, and slips his legs into the water. Instead of going to play with Orange's legs, he hoists himself up, so that he's sitting beside Orange, with his tail still mostly in the water. He can't do it for too long, but for at least a little while, they can sit there head to head, shoulder to shoulder, and that is a very nice thing. 

He reaches over and pats at Orange's head, like Orange does to him some times. It's nice. Orange's hair is thick and fluffy. He knows that he likes it when Orange does it, and he hopes that Orange likes it too. Orange's flesh is so warm compared to his own. He really likes human warmth. It's nice that he has Orange, who he can trust, and get close too. 

With that thought, he scoots closer to Orange, so that the flesh of their arms are touching. It's nice. It's so very nice. 

It is then that Orange moves his other arm, and in his hand, are orange flowers. Orange offers them to him, and he takes them without a second thought. This is nice too, the flowers. Even the blue flowers are good, but the orange ones are certainly the best. He lifts them up, and enjoys the sweet smell that they have. 

He doesn't think he will ever truly like humans. They're cruel and mean, and they scare him horribly, but after the day he's had, he thinks that maybe he can get used to this life. As long as he has Orange there to touch and play with, and the girl, who is like the sun, then he thinks he can do it. Even if all the other humans are evil and cruel, he has two that are good. Better than good, but a good human is so rare, so it seems like great praise. 

He picks off one of the orange flowers from the rest, and reaches over to Orange. He places it above Orange's little human ear, just like how the girl put the water flower above her ear. It looks nice. It is a beautiful splash of color in Orange's brown hair. Maybe he'll do that from now on. When Orange gives him these flowers, he'll put one in Orange's hair too. 

In confusion Orange leans over and looks at his reflection in the water. Then those brown eyes are on him, and it isn't only Orange's flesh that is warm. He can't help but smile, as Orange reaches up and runs fingers through his hair. Warm, small fingers. For that exact moment, he feels safe, and wanted, and understood. For that exact moment, it's enough.


	14. Trillram

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am adding violence to the archive warnings.

It is as the sun is setting, that he realizes what the feeling in his mouth is. He is laying, with his head on Orange's lap, letting his eyes drift shut, and watching the colors of the sky as they reflect on the water. He is content, and happy. Then, before he can really understand why it's there, his mouth starts to hurt. At first, it is just a small pain, and he blinks in confusion. Then it gets bigger, stronger. He thinks about the days that have passed, and it is obvious. His new teeth are coming in. He closes his eyes, and buries his head deeper into the flesh of Orange's legs. 

It is going to hurt. It is going to hurt a lot. And it is going to hurt a lot for several days. He's only lost one or two teeth at a time before, and it hurt then. Now, he has lost all of them, and they are all coming at once. He will be happy to have teeth again. He will be happy to eat, and fill his empty stomach again. He is not happy that it will hurt so much before that, but it is something that must happen. 

For a few childish moments, he wants to push Orange over, because the pain is all his fault, but he doesn't. Orange probably doesn't know how much it hurts. The last time, he cried and cried. He tells himself that he can't do that this time. No matter how much it hurts, he shouldn't cry like he did before. He knows what to expect, so it should be okay. 

Orange notices that something is wrong. He doesn't know how, but Orange does. Fingers are in his hair again, and Orange is leaning over to get a good look at his face. He hides his face deeper into Orange's legs, snakes his arms around Orange's middle, and holds tight. 

Orange makes a small sound of concern, and the fingers move rhythmically against his scalp. The pain isn't even that strong yet, but the warmth of Orange's legs is so very comforting. He wonders if he can convince Orange to stay, like that one night, were they stayed awake together. 

Orange indulges him until the sun sinks, and the dark of evening creeps across the sky. He knows that Orange will leave, but when he feels little human hands push lightly on his shoulder, he tightens his hold around Orange's middle. Not yet, he wants to say. Please stay, he wants to say. Instead, he just shakes his head, and hopes that Orange understands. It will get worse, and it's Orange's fault, so he should stay. 

There are gentle human fingers running through his hair again, then Orange pushes gently at his shoulder one more time. This time, he lets go. He slowly sinks back into the water. The sudden loss of warmth makes the pain spike, and he looks sullenly at the water, and not at Orange. 

He can hear the noises of Orange getting out of the water, of him slipping on the things he puts on his feet, but he doesn't look up. He is unhappy, Orange should stay. Then, suddenly, there are hands on his cheeks, and Orange is gently pulling his face up, so that they are looking at each other. The warmth from Orange's hand is amazingly affective at making the pain less harsh. He feels like he could melt like ice in those hands, and he looks up at Orange. 

For just a moment, Orange looks upset too. Then the moment is gone, and he isn't sure it was there at all. Orange leans down, so close that their foreheads touch, and the whole world is made of brown eyes. It's important. 

Then Orange blows in his face, and the moment is ruined. He shakes his face, and shoves Orange in indignation. He frowns up at Orange, but Orange just seems like he's pleased. He thinks about splashing Orange, but his runt is already walking away. He watches, and just before Orange disappears into the human place, he turns around, and looks back. 

\/

It is a very long night. He hasn't slept well in a few days. The night before, because he was been sure the humans were out to get him. Any sleep was plagued by nightmares. Even when he managed to fall asleep, he had woke to the sound of pounding of human feet. This night, it is better, but also worse. The problem is very different, so it is hard to compare.

His mouth hurts horribly, and for a long time, he writhes in his favorite nest. He is tired, and he is in pain, and sleep is impossible. He really thinks Orange should have taken responsibility and stayed. It doesn't seem fair that he has to suffer this alone. The idea is petty, but he doesn't care. When he is not so miserable, he will care, he doesn't at that moment.

Very late in the evening, in the haze of pain and unhappiness that he finds himself in, he hears soft human foot falls. His mind desperately clings at the sound. It has to be Orange. No one else comes in the night. He wanted Orange to stay, and he came back. He is out of his nest and swimming to the water's edge within a heartbeat. 

He breaks through the water almost desperately. He blinks his eyes to try and see in the dark, and he realizes very quickly, that he has made a very big mistake. The realization does not come fast enough. All he can see is a huge, looming figure, that could never be his Orange. He tries to duck back into the water, to swim away, but in a flash, there is a large, warm human hand grabbing his hair. 

It is nothing like Orange. He knows exactly who this human is. The hand that grabs violently at his hair is big, with long boney fingers. 

He screams at the top of his lungs, as the hand pulls him out of the water by his hair. 

He tries to pry the human hand away from him with his little hands, but there are no claws now. All he can do is paw and push at the hand helplessly, and scream and whimper. Then the human's other hand is on his wrist, and he is completely out of the water, dangling by his hair and his hand as he struggles to get out of those strong human hands. 

In one great motion, the hands let go, and he is tossed. It is a disgusting feeling, being flung so carelessly through the air. He lands on hard, solid ground and the impact rattles his aching head and mouth. He whimpers and cries in distress, and curls in on himself on instinct alone. 

He forces his eyes open through tears. His vision shows him the light of the stars reflected on the water, and the large, ominous figure that stands between him and the water's peaceful edge. He has to get back to the water. It doesn't matter that he hurts, it doesn't matter that he's scared. He must get back to the water, so around the pain in his head, and the tender flesh of his wrist, he moves. He reaches with his hand, and the soft earth under his fingers gives way, allowing him to dig deep, and pull himself forward. Then he does the same thing with the other hand, ignoring how his wrist protests. 

The human moves, and he only has time to curl in on himself, when the human's foot kicks at his stomach. He cries out in pain, but worse than the pain, is that he rolls farther away from the water. He sobs in desperation. He must get back to the water, he can't just stay quiet and hope that it stops. This is a matter of life and death. He doesn't know how long he can last outside of the water, but he knows it isn't as long as the human can. This will not be like the time with Orange. When lethargy sits in, he will simply die. This human is not going to roll him back into the water. 

He thinks about the girl coming in the morning, about her finding him dead. He can't stand the thought. Even if the humans looming shadow is upon him, he must keep trying. 

Time blurs. He keeps trying, again and again, only to be pushed back, to be hit more. But he keeps trying again and again. It's hopeless, he knows that, but he can't give up. After every strike, he tries again, after every time those human hands grab him and drag him back, he tries again. It all blurs into pain, and the unsettling feeling of large warm hands on him. 

When he finally stops trying, it isn't because of the pain. It is because he can hear water sloshing around in his head, it's because he feels unease seep into him, it's because all he can do, is twitch. Through the haze, he can see the water, the beautiful stars reflected off of it's glass surface. He tries to reach one more time, but his hand only twitches uselessly. 

He can hear the human laughing, and he knows it is over. He is going to die. The girl will find him in the morning, nothing more than a rotting carcass. 

He is wrong. As if the human was waiting to see how long he'd last, those big warm hands are on him again. They aren't gentle, and he hates how his body craves the warmth they provide. Humans are so evil. He doesn't even have the strength to sob. 

He is being carried. He would wonder where, but he can't think straight. 

Then he is flying through the air again, and it almost feels comforting. It is so much better than having those hands on him. It's disgusting, and unnatural, but it is so much better. 

Water explodes around him, and the fog in his mind clears. He is back in the water. He doesn't have time to question. Like something coming back from the dead, he swims as fast as he can down to the bottom of the pond. His eyes are wide and terrified, as he looks up at the surface of the water. He sees the huge figure of the human looking right at him, of white teeth smiling down at him. 

The human laughs, and walks away. 

He is left alone. His mouth is on fire, his head, his tail, his chest, his stomach, his hands, his fingers, everything hurts. He swims to one of his nests. The safest one. The one where nothing can see him, and where he can see nothing. He curls up, and sob.


	15. Need

The morning brings the women in black again. He doesn't come out to see them, but he can hear them. The things on their feet sound different, so he knows that it's them. It means there will be another gathering like the day before. He cries softly. It wouldn't have been the girl that found him. It would have been some faceless human woman in black that thinks he's scary, that doesn't like him. On top of the pain, he feels hopeless. He doesn't want it. He wants the humans to go away, to leave him alone.

He wants the girl or Orange. No one else. All of the others should go away. 

Almost as if answering his hopes, he hears Orange, and his voice is commanding and not calm. He hears the human women in black as they stop what they are doing, and scurry away. Then it's only Orange, calling him, and it is the most desperate sound he has ever heard out of Orange's mouth. It wouldn't sound like much for any other human, but he knows that his Orange doesn't sound like that.

Orange knows that something is wrong, and he is more thankful than he can say. There is no way of expressing it. Gingerly, he uncurls, and swims to the surface. Moving hurts, moving hurts a great deal. He hadn't realized it the night before, when he swam down to the bottom of the pond as fast as he could, but he feels it now. Even parts of him that he didn't know he had hurt. 

When he surfaces, he makes sure to stay out of Orange's reach. He wants touch, he wants comfort, but the thought of warm hands makes him sick. He is so happy that Orange knows that something is wrong, but he doesn't want Orange to know just how wrong. Orange will know if he can touch. Orange will poke and prod, and he will flinch. Orange will be able to figure everything out, because he's smart, so he has to stay a safe distance away. 

His runt is in the blue skins again, but this time, they don't scare him at all. He was so foolish to be afraid of skins. Orange is Orange, the skin doesn't matter. Orange is on his knees, and the mud is making the blue of the skin brown, but Orange doesn't seem to care. 

Orange is surprised to see him. There are thing happening in those brown eyes, but he doesn't know what they are. Orange reaches out his hand, then pulls it back towards him in an arc. Orange is asking him to come closer. He looks away, and shakes his head. He thinks, that if he does it right, Orange will think that he is just sullen about being left the day before. That would be best.

When he looks over at Orange, and again, he thinks that he is probably being very foolish. He doesn't know how Orange knows something is very wrong, but Orange does know. Without a doubt, Orange knows. His resolve wavers, but when Orange motions him to come closer, he shakes his head again, and refuses.

The jagged lines of Orange's eye brows look angry, and his heart almost stops. He has never made Orange angry, he doesn't want to make Orange angry. He doesn't know what will happen. He wants to rush over and show that he's sorry. He doesn't want Orange to be angry, he doesn't want Orange to get mad, but fear keeps him where he is. 

But Orange does something he does not expect. Orange looks down at the water, and slips his legs in, so that he is sitting. He wonders for just a moment, if Orange thinks he is simple enough to come over just to play with his legs. It's almost insulting. Then the moment is over, and in one fluid motion, Orange slips fully into the water. 

He panics. Orange can't swim, what is he doing!? He is at Orange's side in a heartbeat, holding so that Orange doesn't start flailing, or sinking. As he feels the warmth of Orange's body against him, it occurs to him that Orange knows how to make him do exactly what Orange wants. He shoves that thought aside. He would rather have an angry Orange, or even a manipulative one, than no Orange at all. 

He doesn't have the strength to help Orange back up onto land, but he does make sure that Orange is close enough to the bank, to get himself up. He can feel Orange's hands grip him, and it's warm and nice, but it also hurts, like everything else. When Orange pushes himself back up onto the bank, he knows that he has lost this battle of wills. He was foolish to think he could hide this, and still come see Orange at all. But he'd wanted so desperately not to be alone, there's no way he wouldn't have come up when Orange called. 

The blue skin is now a much darker color, and it hangs and drips. It looks more uncomfortable than usual. He knows that he's looking at it, instead of looking at Orange's face, but that doesn't change anything. He doesn't know how he feels at that moment, there are too many things, to many hurts. When Orange gently cups his cheek in one hand, and lift up his face, he tightly closes his eyes. It's the only hiding he can do.

He can feel Orange's eyes looking over him, even if he can't see it. Orange is very gentle, as he lightly lifts up his hand, and pokes at the dark bruise that wraps around his wrist. It hurts. He flinches, and Orange gently places his wrist back into the water, and moves on. Orange doesn't poke and prod all of the bruises, only two, and then he stops, and pulls his small human hands away. He is both relieved, and upset. 

He dares to open his eyes and look at Orange, but Orange isn't looking at him. Those brown eyes are far away. He feels foolish for being upset that Orange won't look at him. Then in one swift movement, Orange is on his feet, his back turned, and walking away. It is too fast. Orange is already half gone when he cries out, and Orange stops in his tracks. 

He is instantly ashamed. He should let Orange go, but he doesn't want to. He doesn't want to be alone. But he didn't want to be alone yesterday either, and Orange left. He should have just stayed quiet, he's a fool, but Orange hasn't moved. He's afraid to look up, and see Orange walk away, but he looks up anyway. 

From where he is, Orange's back looks so very small. He thinks of what would have happened, if Orange had done what he'd asked, and stayed last night. He is sure it would have been worse. The evil human had almost hit Orange earlier in the day. Orange would have gotten hurt too, then he wouldn't be the only one suffering.

Without a second thought, he dives into the water, and slowly returns to his safest nest. Moving still hurts, so he doesn't rush. There's no need. He feels like he's going to be there for a long while. 

Orange doesn't leave. In fact, Orange returns to the water, and calls for him a few times, before sitting down. After sitting in silence for a while, Orange starts to talk evenly. The calm voice says more than he can ever remember hearing from Orange before. He doesn't come out. He stays in his safest nest, curled up in a tight ball, and tries to sleep. Orange's soothing voice helps.

\/

When he wakes, he is surprised he was able to sleep at all. His mouth is in absolute agony, and it pulses and throbs horribly. His body isn't as bad as his mouth, but it isn't much better either. He wants to stay where he is, and sleep until his teeth are back, and until that horrible human goes away. He really wishes it was as easy as that, but it isn't. He's in pain, and sleep was a miracle the first time. He doesn't expect it again.

He opens his heavy eye lids, and from his hidden nest, he can see the deep colors of the sunset as they flicker and glow on the bottom of the pond. They're beautiful, and mesmerizing. He thinks if the sun would just stay like that, he could watch the colors contently for hours. He is reminded that nothing stays the same. Everything in the world changes. 

He hears soft human voices above him. The pain is so encompassing, that he almost doesn't recognize them. He keeps his eyes on the swirling reds, oranges and pinks of the sunset as it plays cross the bottom of the pond. Why are Orange and the girl here? What are they talking about? Are they enjoying the sunset together? 

He's a weakling. Whatever resolve he had before falling asleep feels long gone now. He knows that he's going to swim slowly up there, and beg for the attention that they'll give him. Even if being alone is better, he knows he can't do it. It's impossible. He needs them. They don't need him, but he has absolute certainty that he needs them. He doesn't want to be alone. They have a whole world of humans around them. His world is now two small humans, that he can't protect. Two small humans, in a sea of large humans that are either terrified of him, or want to hurt him. He can't protect himself, let alone them too. His world is so small now. He thinks he would die if it was even one tiny human smaller. He is a weakling, but he doesn't ever want to let them go again. He will have to, and it will hurt every time, but he would rather be hurt when they leave, than be numb to them when they are there. 

He thinks they are waiting for him, and he realizes that it doesn't matter if he's wrong. He is going to move his sore, tired body, and he is going to greet them as best he can. He wants them. No matter what the consequences are for wanting them, he will continue to want them, and need them.


	16. Resolve

Whatever they were talking about, they stop when he slowly pushes his head out of the water. He thinks he should have been quieter, so they wouldn't notice, but that is too much effort. He would have liked to hear them keep talking. 

Two pairs of wide human eyes are on him. Orange's brown are impassive, with a hint of relief. The girl's green eyes are a wash of concern. The girl makes a sudden gasp, and motions for him to come closer. He looks at her for just a moment. This little human girl, who kept so far away from him, who was afraid of him, who scolded him, is now a vision of concern and care, and she wants him to come closer. He wonders if he ever understood her at all, and feels so very stupid. He swims slowly closer, and comforts himself with the thought that even if he didn't understand her, he does a little bit now. Even if he actually doesn't understand her at all, he still has time to figure it out. 

Once he is within reach, her hands are soothingly running through his hair. It hurts, but everything hurts. Her hands are warm, and so much softer than Orange's hands. Her hands seem so delicate. This is the first time she's touched him in this way, and despite the pain, he feels that he will melt like ice in her hands. 

He is just so miserable, but this is so nice. He wants to eat, he wants his teeth back, he doesn't want to be in pain, he doesn't want to be afraid that some horrible human is going to come and kill him, or worse. There are so many things he has no control over anymore, and that's hard to accept. But her warm hands in his hair, cupping his cheek, are nice. 

He looks at Orange, and sees those brown eyes looking at him intently. As always, there are a lot of things happening in those brown eyes, but he can't be sure what any of those things are. His wrist is swollen, and it hurts, but he reaches out for Orange with it anyway. His fingers catch on the beige skin that Orange is now wearing, and brown eyes shift. If Orange stood up, and left right then, he wouldn't try to stop him, but he hopes that Orange understands that he wants him to stay.

He will probably never know if Orange understood, but his runt doesn't leave. 

\/

It is by the time the sun has set, and the stars are glistening above them, that he realizes that neither of his human companions are going to leave that night. 

Orange sets out something like a large, thick skin on the ground, and both he and the girl sit and lay upon it. When he tries to join them, he stumbles and yelps at the pain in his wrist, then goes tumbling back into the water. Orange comes to help him. He flinches, because things hurt, and even Orange's gentle hands on him hurt, but it isn't so bad. Orange helps him, so that he's also on the large thick skin, and he is amazed to find that it is very, very soft. It feels like how he thinks laying on a cloud would feel. Once he's down, and nestled between the two of them, Orange spreads another fluffy skin on top of them, but this is a thin one. 

As if being between two warm human bodies wasn't enough, within a few minutes, the thin skin has made it even warmer. He can't describe the complacency that takes over him. This kind of warmth is amazing. It's no wonder humans wear skins. He wonders if he would like some too, but then he remembers how uncomfortable Orange's blue skins looked when they were wet, and decides maybe it isn't a good idea. 

The warmth doesn't make the pain go away, but it makes it feel less important. On their backs, they can look up at the stars, and watch as dark clouds move across the sky. Surprisingly, of the two humans, it is Orange that says the most. He points to a cluster of stars, and starts making calm, soft noises. The girl says a few things, and then Orange will continue to speak. The process continues over and over, with Orange pointing at different stars as he goes. It's calming, and he falls asleep a few times. Orange always wakes him up before it's too late, and helps him back into the water so that he doesn't dry out. Then, after a slow swim to make sure he hasn't overexerted himself, he comes back to the surface, and Orange helps him out again. He realizes it's a pain around the third time. He wishes he could last longer outside of the water. It is such an inconvenience to have to get out of the little nest of skins they've made, and then get back in. He also notices that the water makes things so much colder when he isn't in it. 

The fourth time, he decides he will not go back into the nest. It is amazing, and he loves it, but if he is constantly having to be helped in, and helped out, and Orange has to wake him up every time he nods off, then how is Orange or the girl ever going to sleep? The answer is they won't and that isn't fair at all. Even if the nest of skins is a wonderful, amazing place, he knows it isn't for him. When Orange motions to help him up the fourth time, he shakes his head no. Orange motions again, and he shakes his head no again. Orange frowns at him, in that way that doesn't really look like a frown on most humans, but that means a lot on Orange's face. Orange then lets out a puff of air from his nose, and moves the nest closer to the bank. 

Instead of going to his nest, he floats on his back at the water's edge, just enough so that his head sticks out of the water. That way, he can tilt his head, and look over to see what his two humans are doing. Even if it is hard to see in the dark, he can make out their shapes. He is surprised that they don't get closer together for warmth. They both keep to the opposite side of the nest. He doesn't understand it, but humans are weird. He has accepted that fact. 

Orange keeps talking, pointing at stars and saying things, but now that he isn't right next to Orange, it is impossible to tell which star he is pointing at. It doesn't really matter, but he finds himself sad none the less. Even if he couldn't understand, he liked knowing which one Orange was talking about. 

But Orange's voice is even, and calm, and when the girl speaks, it is quiet, and beautiful. It isn't right for him to fall asleep like this, he knows that. It isn't safe, it isn't warm, and he isn't used to being so spread out. In the ocean, he'd move too much, the tide would carry him away, but here in the pond, that won't happen, and he is very tired. 

So he floats there, listening to Orange and the girl quietly talk with one another. He wishes could feel them, but knows how selfish that thought is. He can't stay up there, just like they can't stay in the water with him. It isn't fair. For a long time, he thinks about what it would be like if they could, and when his eyes slide closed, he doesn't fight it. 

\/

He wakes to the sound of soft footsteps, and is alert and diving within seconds. He is already at the bottom of the pond, when he realizes his mistake. He has no illusions of who those foot falls belong to. It is still dark, and the slim sliver of the moon is high in the sky. He knows who is coming and he can also hear the soft, slow breathing of two small humans above him on the bank. 

He turns right back around, breaks through the water only a few seconds later. The pain is a distant memory, fight or flight has kicked in, and his abrupt about face makes everything else distant. Once his head is above water, he screeches at the top of his lungs. The girl wakes with a gasp, and sits up from where she was sleeping. He can only tell that Orange is awake by the sudden change in his breathing. 

He thinks the girl is looking at him, but he can't see enough of her to be sure. It is dark, and it is very difficult to see. He thinks that they still have time. The footsteps are getting closer, they aren't there yet. If both Orange and the girl hide, he doesn't think they'll be found in this darkness. His heart sinks when he realizes he can't tell them that. He can't tell them to hide. 

Orange whispers something very quietly, and the girl turns toward him, before nodding. Within a few seconds, she is on her feet, and running. He watches her, as she finds a place to hide that is harder to see. She still stands out, but only while he's looking right at her. As long as the other human doesn't look that way, he won't see her at all. He will make absolutely sure no one looks that way.

He is relieved, but it is short lived when Orange doesn't move. From what he can see, Orange is curled on his side, and his breathing is even. Orange is pretending to sleep. He shakes his head no no no no, but of course, Orange cannot see it. He hisses low and deep in his throat, but Orange doesn't react. As the great mouth of the human place opens, he knows it is too late. 

It is difficult to see anything but a large, dark, looming figure, but his ears know what his eyes do not. There is no question of who is walking towards him. He hisses, and a small puff of laughter escapes the large human shape. The cruel one is walking towards him, with slow, measured footsteps. Normally, he would hide, he would swim away, but the thought doesn't even occur to him. It is not an option. Orange is laying right between the two of them, and the cruel human needs to be distracted, so that he won't see the girl in the far part of the garden. 

He is lucky for the adrenaline, because it keeps the dull ache of pain away. It forces him to stand his ground when he would rather flee. It allows him to hoist himself onto the land when he couldn't do it before, grab Orange's ankle, and pull. In the dark, he catches just a flash of surprised brown, before the two of them hit the water. 

He swims as fast as he can, and hopes that Orange was able to hold his breath before they went under. They surface at the large rock, by the strip of land. Sputtering, Orange flops himself half on, and half off the rock. He is sure that Orange is unhappy with him, but it doesn't matter. Orange is safer here. He caches just a glimpse of the blue flowers he'd received a few days before, then he ducks down into the water. 

He resurfaces at the bank, where the looming figure of a large human seems to be waiting for him. As if sure he'll swim away, those big bony hands lash out quickly, grabbing his hair like they did the night before. He has just a second to steel himself, and to remind himself that he has done this. He has survived this once, with nothing to protect but himself. He can do it again when the stakes are so much higher. 

Then that second is over.


	17. Snapdragon

Through a deep, encompassing haze, he thinks that this is very different from the last time. It is hard to tell for sure, but feels like the kicks, the hands dragging him back before, were more to prevent him from getting to the water. It was violent, and cruel, and bruising and hurt, but looking back at it, he can see with surprising clarity the deliberate motions behind the actions. That time, this human had intentionally taken him out of water, and waited to see how long he would last. All injuries had been given as he was trying to crawl back. That time had been a kind of torture to keep him away from the one resource he needed to survive. His ability to survive outside of water far longer than most aquatic life had only added to his suffering. He distinctly remembers the pain being secondary to the dread of not being able to reach the water. The fear of dying slowly of dehydration had been much more important. That had scared him far more than the injuries. The human had acted like a predator toying with its catch, already well aware of the inevitable outcome. The human had watched the show with glee as he'd tried again and again to reach the water, to escape to safety, knowing that he wouldn't. That's how, at the time, he had known, with absolute certainty, that when he could no longer move, he was going to die. That was how the game was played. The enjoyment was in watching the prey struggle in futility, eating was the prize at the end. But there had been some hidden motive behind the attack as well. The minute he had succumbed, the human had effortlessly tossed him back. He had been sore after, and the injuries had hurt, but at the time they hadn't mattered. The water that he couldn't reach had mattered.

This time, it is very different.

This time, it is more violent. This time, it is meant to hurt, to leave marks, to make him scream. He is sure of it. He is reassured, as a shriek escapes him and laughter erupts from the cruel human. He clamps his jaw shut, to keep down the scream in his throat as the human's black clad foot grinds into his fingers. He can feel the bones inside them, as they start to splinter, and he can't keep down the scream. It comes in one loud burst of sound, before he can control himself. He has enough sense to hide his other hand under the girth of his body. He will need something to catch fish with, if he survives the night. With humans, he really never knows. He is sure fingers take much more time to heal than teeth.

He has a few seconds to gasp, as the black, hard skin on the human's foot pulls up on his fingers, before it collides with his chest hard. He chokes on air he doesn't need. He thinks with surprising clarity, that before, the kick would have been at his middle, so he would roll. This time, it is meant to hurt, and it does. He rolls from his side to his back at the force, and at some small attempt to get away. He realizes his mistake to soon, as the human foot comes crashing down on his now exposed wrist. He tries not to scream, but the sudden hit leaves him unable to stop it. The sound is out before he can do anything, but he tries to make it as short lived as he can. He thinks how swollen his wrist was before, but how it still worked. He is sure it won't now. 

The human shadow looming over him laughs, and speaks. It is then that things start to occur to him. He is surprised how easily it comes together in his mind, through all the pain and torment. The human didn't speak the night before. He did his work methodically, with only laughter as his sounds, because the human knows it does no good with him. It had no effect, so the human hadn't bothered to speak at all. 

The human knows either the girl, or Orange is there, but the human doesn't know where. The human is making this hurt, so that he will make more noise, so his two hidden humans will come out. The human is taunting them, with both words, and his own voice. 

He clamps his mouth shut again, determined to keep his sounds quiet, even as he feels something in his wrist snap. His humans cannot come out, he can't protect them on land, so they must stay hidden.

Something loud splashes at the far side of the pond. From the location, he knows it is not Orange, because he is not close to that area. The sound is something else. The pressure on his wrist goes away, and on instinct he cradles it to his chest. He blinks his cloudy eyes towards where the splashing sound came from, but he can see nothing in the dark. It is not close to where Orange is, and it is not in the direction the girl was. He wonders if it was one of the large, dumb fish. He watches, as the large human slowly walks towards the water. The human is right at the water's edge, looking down at the water, when he sees it. It's the girl. He has no idea how she got there without being seen, but she slowly creeps behind the larger human. In her hand is something large, thicker than both of her hands combined. It looks like one of the large brown limbs of the land plants. She is going to hit him. He can see it playing out, and he hopes she is strong enough.

The large human turns just a hair towards her, and the girl moves with surprising lethality. She swings, and there is a sickening crack as the large thing in her hands connects with the human's head, and breaks with the force of it. The impact is enough to make the human trip, and the cruel human slips, and tumbles into the water. He almost laughs. He really didn't understand the girl at all. He thinks he does a little bit now. She is perfection in every way. 

He needs to get back to the water. Even if that was enough to make the large human lose awareness, he must get to the water, and finish the job. His hands feel ruined, but he is sure he can still manage. He must manage. He rolls onto his belly, and with his elbows, starts dragging himself back to the water. He hears something from the side of the pond where he left Orange, but he is to worried about reaching the water. He must reach the water. 

The girl turns on her feet. The world stops a he sees a bony hand reach out of the water, and grab her ankle. He screams at the same time her eyes go wide with shock, and a second later, the hand is dragging her back to the water's edge. It wasn't enough, the large human is going to drown her. He struggles harder. He doesn't know how, but he flings both hands into forcibly dragging himself to the water as fast as he can. He hears the girl let out a breathy gasp, and he works harder. He must reach the water in time. He hears her splash into the water a few seconds later, and he moves as fast as he can. He hears the pounding of feet, but he doesn't dare stop. He can still hear the girl and the large human splashing, can hear her cries as water fills her, and he must move, move, MOVE!

He hits the water, and no pain can stop him. The girl has already stopped moving, and the large human is pulling himself back up onto the land. He latches onto the large human, and pulls him back down. Full grown humans are strong, but even the strongest human is a poor swimmer. Even with hands that shouldn't work, a body that might be broken in many places, and with no teeth to speak of, in the water, he is the predator. 

The human in his grip struggles. He gets hit, he gets kicked. A few times, the human even struggles out of his hold and tries to swim to the surface, but he always catches the human, and drags it back down. None of it matters, the pain, the struggle, none of it. He knows with absolute clarity, that this human meant to kill the girl. This evil human meant to make her come by hurting him, now and before. It had made sure he screamed the night before, so that it knew no one would come. It had watched and waited to make exactly sure how long he could survive outside of the water. It had left marks and bruises on his skin so that someone would notice. It had intentionally attacked his hands, so that he wouldn't be able to crawl his way back to the water. It had use pain and violence against him to make the girl come out. It had never meant to leave his body a corpse on the ground, it meant to leave her body a corpse in the water. It knew what the other humans would think, knew how they feared him. This human had meant for her to die. Looking into those black eyes, he knew it with absolute certainty. He couldn't tell the humans who'd done it, the humans already thought he was a violent, scary thing. And when this human had finished with the girl, it would have killed Orange too. This human would have left both of them floating in the water, for someone to find come morning. 

He makes sure to watch, as those black eyes go dull, and lifeless. He pays close attention to the pulse that every human makes, the beat beat beat of their hearts, and he notes when it stops. He waits. He will take no chances. Some fish come back after 'dying'. He will not risk it. Tonight, this human will die, he will accent nothing else. When he lets go, and the human sinks down to rest at the bottom of the water, he is sure it is dead. 

He watches the human for a few moments, and slowly, the world come back to him. His mouth, his hands, his abused body. All of the pain and worry and insecurity seep back into him. He thinks, with a brain that is no longer clear, but is hazy and finds it difficult to think, that he could sleep for days now. Weariness overtakes him, and he forces himself up to the water's edge, to the bank. When emerges, all he can hear is the sound of small things cracking, of a great thump thump thumping that he has never heard before. In the darkness, it is difficult to see, but he notices two figures. One is on the ground, motionless. The other leans over the first, and pushes over and over. The sliver of the moon pokes through a hole in a cloud, and with horror, he sees Orange beating down on the girl's lifeless body. He realizes the sound of small things cracking, are the delicate bones of her chest, as Orange beats upon it over and over and over and over. 

Orange is hurting her. He doesn't understand, but Orange is hurting the girl. He scrambles to get onto the land, but whatever adrenaline helped him before, is gone now. It is hopeless, and he yells, tries to tell Orange to stop, as tears roll down his eyes. Stop! Leave her alone! Can't you see she's- and there is a breath. His eyes widen. The girl breathed. She was dead, and she breathed. It was small, hardly even noticeable, but she breathed. Orange stops, and in one fluid motion, he lifts the girl in his arms, and runs. 

His two small humans disappear into the human place. He is left clinging to that one little breath, that one glimmer of hope that she is alive, as the world disappears around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snapdragons symbolizes graciousness and strength. Its negative connotations include deception and presumption.


	18. Bluebell

Orange and the girl do not return the next day. Large men, with long sharp tools come instead. They fish out the human body with a long pole, and never get close. He wants to help them. He wants the thing gone. It keeps looking at him. But he is still very tired, and everything hurts, so he just watches.

All of the large men are looking at him. He thinks if he moves, they will spook. He thinks it is a bad sign.

His teeth grow back completely on the second day, but he doesn't feel like eating. Orange and the girl do not return that day. 

He feels weak and ill the third day. Worse than before. He knows he should eat, but he has no appetite. He doesn't want to eat. He lays his head on the bank, and waits, with his eyes on the closed mouth of the human place. No one comes.

The fourth day, he cries loudly. Wails and pleads in a language that humans don't understand. 

The fifth day, he eats two large orange fish. He has a hard time keeping them down. They aren't poisonous. 

\/

He abandons his nests when he starts to hear things that aren't there. Sometimes, when he's almost asleep, he hears the pitter patter of little feet, and he rushes to the water's edge. There is never anyone there. The little sounds disappear, and he is tired, and sore for moving so quickly. Sometime, when he is awake, he hears pearls of laughter, or a calm, even voice. He rushes, and the sounds are gone. 

After a few days of this, he leaves his nests for good. He stays at the water's edge, with his arms on the cold ground. He is ginger with his hands, his fingers, his wrist. They have not healed, and he doesn't know if they will. He cradles his head on top of the flesh of his arms, with his eyes on the closed mouth of the human place. The sounds don't stop, but he is there to see that they are not real. When he closes his eyes, the sounds are there, fluttering around him like birds he will never catch. 

He hears the voices of his kin as well, calling him, speaking to him, reprimanding him. They tell him things like "eat" and "sleep", but they are not there. He doesn't listen. He sees their concerned faces when he closes his eyes, can feel their hands, their caresses, their concerns, but when he opens his eyes he is alone. They can't help him anymore. 

It is torture, this loneliness. 

He stops counting the days at some point. He thinks it can't be too long, because he doesn't eat, and he's still just wasting, not dead. Days pass in a blur of waiting, and sleeping, of not sleeping and waiting. Sometimes, he is sure that someone must come, he need only wait. Sometimes, he is sure that he will never see another intelligent soul in his life. 

The girl is dead. He is sure of it now. Sometimes, he tells himself that she breathed, that her little chest moved. Most of the time, he knows she is gone. He doesn't know about Orange. Orange wasn't hurt, but he doesn't come either. He can only assume that Orange is somehow gone too. He doesn't know how, but he has nightmares about it. There are so many ways humans can hurt, the possibilities are endless.

The girl is dead. Orange is gone. His kin are in the ocean, far, far away. He is alone. He thinks he probably will be for the rest of his life. The kin in his head scream 'no!' when he hopes that his life will not be much longer. The kin in his head scream that he is young, that he is still a child, that they love him and want him, but they aren't there. They are in his head. 

He misses everything.

\/

He doesn't know how long it's been, but one day, he hears footsteps, and knows that they are real. His mind tells him that he is losing his mind. He has done this so many times before, been sure that the sounds were real, when they were not. Still, he is sure. 

Orange is coming. His runt is coming, and he knows it with such certainty that all the sounds and noises and empty space in his head cannot convince him otherwise. The foot falls are both lighter, and heavier at the same time, but he knows them. He knows them well. They are different, but still the same. The foot falls in his head are all the same. 

He watches, as the mouth of the human place opens. It is Orange. It's his Orange. With the hand where the fingers still work, he reaches. Of course Orange is too far away, but he reaches. Orange walks closer, until he can place his hand against the flesh of Orange's legs. 

He looks up and smiles with relief. Orange does not smile back, but there is something in those brown eyes. As always, he can't tell what it is. In one movement, Orange sits, and lets his legs dangle into the water, like before. It takes him a lot of time, but he manages to hoist himself up, so that he can place his head in Orange's lap. He makes sure that he can still look up at Orange from where he is. 

So close, he frowns at what he sees. 

Orange has lost weight. The flesh in his cheeks has thinned, and he can see lines on his face, where skin is stretched over bone. There are dark, sad circles under his eyes. When Orange reaches, and runs a hand comfortingly through his hair, he can see angry marks on Orange's wrists. He had thought that probably Orange had not missed him. Maybe it is true that Orange has not missed him, as much as he has missed Orange, but looking at Orange, he is sure that he has not been the only one to suffer. He is sure Orange would have come sooner, if he could. Orange understands him so well, he would have known. 

He wraps his arms around Orange's middle, and holds with his one good hand. He doesn't care that the wrist hurts. Before, Orange was not so thin. They stay like that for a while, until Orange leans over, and wraps arms around his back too. They stay like that for a long time, with Orange curled around him, and he with his arms gripping Orange's middle. 

He thinks about how nice it is. How Orange smells, how warm he is, how their sadness and desperation mingle. 

Orange needs him too. It is a strange thought, that one little human, in a sea of humans, needs him. It doesn't make any sense, but with the way Orange holds him, he knows it is true. Orange is always hard to understand, but when his runt wants to let him know something, Orange can make him understand. Orange clings, and nuzzles his warm cheek into the flesh of his back, and he can feel the hot puffs of air on his skin as Orange's breath hitches. In that moment, he understands with unwavering clarity. He is not the only one that needs.

They stay like that for a very long time. They stay like that so long, that it becomes uncomfortable. So long that his wrist throbs. So long that Orange's warmth is suffocating. So long that Orange's breathing slows, and he knows that his runt has fallen asleep. He doesn't move. He refuses to let go. He thinks about keeping Orange here with him forever. How he'd bring Orange fish every day, and make those bone lines disappear. How Orange could come in the water, and how he'd lead him around, and would never let him drown. How they'd look up at the stars, and how Orange would talk and talk, and maybe one day, he'd even understand. 

It's selfish, and impossible. He knows that, but he thinks about it anyway. He doesn't know if he could make Orange happy. He doesn't know if he wants the responsibility of making Orange's world any smaller than it already is. He doesn't know how Orange stands it, being so important. He doesn't think he's strong enough for any of those things. He doesn't even know if he could catch a fish to feed Orange at this point. He feels so weak and useless. But he can imagine that they would both be happy, and he does. 

\/

Orange sleeps deeply until the sun is low in the sky. It is not sunset, but the sky's colors are deepening. Slowly, Orange unfolds himself, and blinks. He looks up at Orange, as the small human stretches his back and shoulders. He can't help but smile. He should also stretch, but he doesn't want to let go, so he doesn't. Slowly, Orange reaches down, and places warm hands on his arms. He knows what that means, and he slowly lets go, and slides back into the water. 

From there, Orange looks at him for what seems like a very long time. Orange looks at many things, his hair, his eyes, his cheeks, his chin. He can tell when Orange starts looking at a different part of him. He wonders if Orange is noticing the differences, or if he is trying to memorize. He doesn't know, but he reaches up with his one good hand, and caresses Orange's cheek. For just a flash, Orange's brown eyes are the saddest thing he has ever seen. Then the flash is gone. He thinks that before, he would have thought he imagined it. Now, he knows much better. 

Orange places his hand into a fold of his brown skins, and pulls out a green plant. It is not a flower, and it does not look like the sleeping plant. It is different, and it smells bad. He thinks of Orange's eyes looking down at him so sad, and he thinks he understands. 

There is no blue flower this time. Orange is not asking for trust. 

He sinks below the water, and disappears. When he returns, he holds out his fisted hand to Orange, and uncurls his fingers. Inside is one fragile little blue shell flower. The others are long gone, disintegrated and shattered to the wind. This one, solitary flower, dried and crumpled, and fragile, remains. 

Orange's eyes widen. If he did not know before, he is sure now. Orange pushes his hand away, but he doesn't allow it. He gingerly places the flower on Orange's lap, and reaches for the plant. Orange retracts his hand. He looks up, and those brown eyes won't look at him. He reaches for the plant again, and Orange doesn't stop him. 

He eats every last bit of it, and the effect is amazingly fast. His head is foggy, and he finds himself incredibly tired. He thinks he might float down, that he can't stay above water, but he feels Orange's warm hands holding him, lifting him up. It is all a blur. When he blinks, he thinks that the swirling colors in front of him could be anything. But he smells Orange, and he feels his warmth all around him. His head flops down, and it lands on Orange's shoulder. He doesn't understand, but Orange's arms are around his back, holding him tight. Orange is making small 'shh'ing noises. Is he being loud? He can't tell. He's so tired and disoriented, but Orange is there, holding him. 

He know that trust is dangerous. He knows that trust hurts, but if he'd decided not to trust, he would have killed Orange that night. He would have watched, as such an amazing creature died slowly and painfully at his own hands. He could have been mean, he could have been hateful, and maybe he would be stronger now. Maybe he wouldn't be wasting away, unable to keep himself steady. He wonders if it would have been a better life, if he had chosen hate and violence. He doesn't know, and he never will. He doesn't want to find out. He made the decision to trust. As the world around him spins, and fades, as he feels Orange's warmth, and the thump thump thump of Orange's heart against his chest, he knows that he doesn't regret that decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you trust Inaho? 
> 
> What happens after this, depends on how you answer that question. I won't answer it for you. 
> 
> The point of this project, was to write something, where the reader struggled with the setting almost as much as the narrator. Slaine was isolated, just as you the reader were within his narrative. You didn't get the whole story, because Slaine didn't. He could only guess, and speculate, as I'm sure all of you did as well. If you think this story was mysterious, or it made you question what was happening, then I have done what I set out to do. Certainly the narrative is loose enough, for a very wide range of interpretation. You make this story your own by interpreting it how you see fit, and I encourage you to do so. Should you want my intent, I will be publishing my notes here, so that you many look through them. I hope that if you chose to read them, that they will encourage you to read the story again, with a very different gaze. I also hope that they do not take away the conclusions you have made about this story, because those are just as important as my intentions. 
> 
> I would like to sincerely thank everyone who has taken the time to read this story. I hope you have enjoyed it.


	19. Notes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for huge blocks of text...

Mer

Mer in this story are large community based marine predators. They live in very large communities, and are rarely alone in their life time. They are indiscriminate eaters, and will eat most things. A large enough community can easily take down a human ship, in which case, they will certainly eat all of the humans on board. This has got them a rather violent reputation amongst humans in general, but they are not inherently violent creatures, simply indiscriminate eaters. In fact, particularly violent mer are often cast out of communities, and sometimes form rough packs with one another. As community based creatures, they have large brains proportional to their body size, are highly social, and have their own distinct language of which humans can speak only a few things. Of course, there have been few studies to try and figure out their language, or communicate in earnest. They are warm blooded, though they feel cool to the touch, and they have live births. They do not lay eggs. Young also drink milk for the first year of their lives, and are inseparable from their parents for that one year, because they are quite defenseless, though all mer are born with the ability to swim from birth. Young mer look and act rather different from their grown counter parts. Full grown mer have beautiful reflective scales, very sophisticated night vision, can have 3 to 5 rows of teeth, and cannot spend much time outside of the water. Young mer scales are dull, and generally muted colors, this is in direct contrast to full grown mer who's tails are beautifully reflective, and range a broad spectrum of colors. The reason is that while grown mer are predators, and aren't afraid of a whole lot of things in the ocean -especially since they are in large groups- young mer make for very easy meals. Thus their tales are not as pretty so that they do not attract as much attention. Their scales will start to fall off at around 15 years of age, and their glistening, beautiful scales will be beneath them. It's sort of a big todo to see which young will be which color. Colors have different connotations in their social groups, but these things are particular to each community, as are color preferences. Young mer are day creatures, this is in general contrast to grown mer which function just as well at night as they do during the day. Another reason for this, is because young mer need sunlight quite consistently to say healthy, and for growth. Without it, they don't grow properly, so the lack of night vision until about 18 is a direct evolutionary feature to encourage young mer to sleep during the evening, and be most active during the day, when they can optimize their sunshine intake. Young mer are born without teeth, and will grow their first set between 6 to 9 months of age. It is generally accepted that once a child has grown its first row of teeth, they do not drink much milk after, unless the mother is particularly indulgent. They start eating small fish not long after their first set of teeth come in. Their second row of teeth will come in between 6 to 8 years of age, third row will come between 16 and 18, when their intake of food drastically increases. Other rows of teeth can develop at any age. The oldest and strongest mer often have 5 rows. It's sort of a legend that some have 6, but it is exceptionally rare. Teeth will fall out, and be replaced, the whole of their life. Teeth replacement is much faster for young mer, since they have less teeth, and are growing a lot already. Replacing a tooth could take them 7 to 10 days where as an older mer might take 17 to 25 days to replace teeth, since they have a much larger amount of teeth, and are not actively growing. Perhaps one of the more interesting evolutionary differences between young mer and grown mer is that young mer can survive outside of water for almost an hour, where as adult mer can at most last about 10 to 15 minutes. There are various functions behind this, and as they grow, mer children will lose the ability to survive so long outside of the water. By nature, mer have their children in shallow waters. This is because large predators do not tend to stay in the shallows, and mer children are not quite strong enough to keep up with the large, roaming community that mer stay in. Once a year, the community will leave their deep water grounds, and travel to their designated nesting ground. Any expecting parents will stay behind in the nesting grounds to have their children, where young mer will remain until they are considered adults, at the age of twenty. For the first year, parents will raise their children at the nesting ground, but once the community returns, they will leave with it. From there, mer young are taken care of by the older members of nesting ground's inhabitant, so young are taken care of by 15 to 19 year old mer, before they head off to join the rest of the community at 20. This may seem like a horrible idea by human standards, but mer are responsible, caring, and attentive caregivers, even at young ages. In this way, young mer are socialized not only towards their parents, but towards the community as whole. Young mer sleep in nests, something their adult counterparts do not really do. Most young mer will have their nests made by the older mer at the nesting grounds, but at some point, they start making their own. If there is a blood sibling living at the nesting ground, it is very common for kin to sleep curled together in the same nest. If there is no blood siblings, or even blood kin at the nesting ground, the mer child may sleep alone, or with an older mer at the nesting ground, who has in affect 'adopted' that child. Adopt is a lose term in this sense, because it doesn't really imply ownership, but it implies an accepted closeness. All mer children will be cared for by the older mer at the nesting ground, but understandably, kin will take better care of kin, and 'adopted' mer, will be well cared for by their adoptee. Another interesting feature, is that should a mer child be in danger of a predator, their instinct is to go for land, where they can outlast an aquatic predator. Thus, it is not so strange to see young mer children lounging or hiding on beaches and land in general. They are generally safe there, unless there is a large or moderate human population in the area. If there IS a human population in the area 'baby-napping' as it has been coined, can and is very, very common. Young mer children are affectionate, and lack the aggression that their adult counterparts are known for, and they have an inherent weakness for human warmth, which reminds them of the sun, which they are disposed to want and need. This is obviously disastrous for a mer stand point, and any older mer witness to such a thing, will do everything in their power to prevent it. Obviously, perceptions of humans within mer societies are exceptionally low due to this phenomenon. In fact, in some sense of spite, nesting groups will nab young human children as a sort of retribution, and eat them. But 'baby-napping' is not necessarily a death sentence for young mer. Humans around coastal areas, are actually quite fond of mer as companions and a young mer can easily be socialized into a human life style, and have proven to be loyal, emotional, playful, and responsive members of human households, provided that their biological needs are provided for, and they are nurtured with love and attention. Domesticated mer, as they are sometimes called, are the greatest friends of sailors, and they are thus highly coveted. A domesticated mer can swim alongside a ship, save anyone that falls overboard, divert travel around communities of mer, as well as other potential threats, help maintain general maintenance of ships, and for fishing vessels, can guarantee higher percentages of catching success. In the domestic spear, people who have houses by the ocean can trust that domesticated mer will keep a close eye on their children so that no aquatic life, other mer included, will harm them. They have proven to be very good, and loyal care takers. On the language side of things, Mer rarely learn how to speak much human language. Even mer that are constantly around humans do not have the speaking skills of even human toddlers. They do tend to learn key words (No, and Yes, and some basic words for things they find important), but even the most advanced spoken Mer have difficulty with human languages. This in no way means that they cannot learn to understand human language. They can, and they have shown surprising understanding of complex human speech. Give a Mer enough time, and it will learn how to understand human language with alarming clarity. They are also empathetic beings, couple this with their ability to understand human language, and you have a creature who perhaps can learn more about humans than other humans can. Many who work with them, find it interesting how intimately a mer can learn about a human, but how little it works the other way. In this way, human language is ironically both a con and a pro to interacting with Mer. Most humans that work closely with mer, tend not to call them pets, since their loyalty is not earned through domination or some sense of subservience, but instead through rewards and affection, and most acknowledge that they are dangerous creatures if they are handled as most humans would handle a traditional pet. Violence or mistreatment of a mer is often at the human's expense, if they feel they have truly been betrayed, they will not hesitate to retaliate. 

Slaine

With basic information about Mer at hand, it is easy to see that Slaine was intentionally abused and tormented from the start. He was pulled out of the ocean by a net, not taken from land. His first impressions of humans were as violent creatures, that enjoyed tormenting him, and hurting him. This is compounded by Mer beliefs, which are more anti-human than human beliefs about mer. He is intentionally kept from sunlight, which he needs, predisposing him to crave warmth of any kind even more than usual. Without outside knowledge of the actual mechanics of mer within this story, it is easy to assume that he was simply being handled as a dangerous pet, where as in actuality, Slaine's treatment is deliberate, and intentional abuse that is almost never perpetrated by those that know better. Slaine's inherent phobias of humans that he has gotten from his upbringing -despite his father's like of humans- is thus compounded. Slaine's treatment gets better when he is handed to Asseylum, but isolation is also a sure fire way to make a mer mean and unhappy. Had her distance remained, and Inaho not stepped in, Slaine would have likely grown bitter and resentful at the isolation he was suffering. Mer in this story are community based animals, they are not meant to be alone. Slaine himself reiterates this many times, and though his tone is sad, and upset, it is not too far to assume resentment would become a natural progression. So why this intentional abuse? What purpose could this serve? It was in essence like giving an 8 year old Asseylum, a loaded gun, and not telling her it was loaded, or how to properly use it. 

Asseylum 

In this story, I fashioned Asseylum as a well meaning, innocent, ignorant princess. She has never seen the ocean, has never been out of her palace, and has no friends. Despite these things, she is cheerful, kind, and well meaning. She had no intention of mistreating Slaine, who was simply one part of her birthday present. The whole garden was her present, and hers alone. Slaine was just one part of it, but he quickly became her favorite part. When she was told that he was dangerous, and that she should never approach him, she took that as the authority of those older and wiser around her, and did not question it, and in an attempt to prevent any accidents, she closed off the garden from outside visitors, so that Slaine wouldn't be able to hurt anyone. She dutifully visited him, because he was hers, and because he was the closest thing she had to a friend. She grew horribly fond of him in that span of time, and viewed her visits to him as the only times that she could truly be herself. It is sad to think that Slaine never once understood the depth of her devotion to him. When she was told that Slaine had attempted to drown one of the children servants, she was distraught. When told that removing Slaine's teeth would make him less aggressive, and would leave no lasting damage, she consented to it. She did not want anyone else to be hurt, but she couldn't allow for Slaine to injure, or kill people in her castle, even if they were venturing into places that they should not be. Inaho's ability to get Slaine to eat the narcotics plant, encouraged her to place him in charge of Slaine's care. This was something Inaho himself proposed, and she agreed to. Inaho's familiarity with Slaine was something Asseylum had not anticipated. When she realized how fond Slaine was of Inaho, it was not fear that made her hesitate, but shame. She was ashamed that she had been so distant, when there was evidence staring her in the face that she had been so horribly wrong about what Slaine needed. Shortly after the event, she brings Klancain with her to see Slaine, with the intent that she is going to socialize him more freely with other people, as Inaho suggests. This meeting does not go well. Slaine's hesitancy to even really come out of the water, shows that her attempts are probably too little, and far too late. Again, Slaine mischaracterizes her emotions as disappointment in him. This is not true, Asseylum is highly distressed. The moment when Slaine accepts the Bluebell flowers from Asseylum, is the moment where she accepts her wrong doing, and reassures her commitment to do what is best for him. Slaine mischaracterizes her intent as fear, but chooses to give her the benefit of the doubt, and accepts the flowers despite his reservations. This moment is most important for Asseylum. It is a recommitment of her vows to take care of him as best she is able, her committing to also learn what she needs to know to care for him, and his acceptance of the bluebells, is proof to her, that he does not resent her for the neglect she feels she has perpetrated. This moment is important for Asseylum. It is understandably less important to Slaine, who continues to mischaracterize her, and is suddenly shocked and awed when he realizes later on that she is entirely genuine in her affections. In my mind, Asseylum never once feared Slaine. In fact, the opposite is true. She adored him, and was under false assumptions that this distance was safest, and it was what he needed. She makes changes when she realizes that she was wrong. 

Inaho 

Inaho is the most malleable element in this story. His intentions, methods, station, and temperament have consistently surprised me within this stories context. Of all the characters, he had the most varied potentials, and often took matters into his own hands. Inaho is 8 years old in this story, and he is a relatively new servant in the palace. As we see in the first scene with him, he is a likely target for bullies. Why doesn't he fight back, you might ask. The answer is rather simple, his sister needs the job she has. They have traveled from place to place, trying to find somewhere, where he will not be tormented, or harshly punished for retaliating. This is a good place, and Inaho is acutely aware that his own temperament has caused his sister trouble in the past. Yuki of course does not blame him, and only wants to find a place where both of them can be happy, but Inaho blames himself. This sort of hazing that we see in the first chapter he appears in, is the first incident of its kind in his new setting, giving you an idea of just how new Inaho is. Do these episodes continue? I'm not sure. I tend to think Inaho would figure out how to handle them rationally, without there being repercussions, but I doubt it would lead to any sort of friendship between he and the other child servants. Inaho cannot swim, this whole event is a deliberate attempt on the part of the others, to get a reaction out of him. I don't think these children intended to kill him, simply to torment him. They were also unaware that Slaine was a factor at all. Only a week or so before, the garden had been rather public, and Asseylum made no mention of a man eating mer residing there. The children snuck in with obviously ill intention, not murder on mind. Of course they are rightfully horrified at Slaine, and run for their lives. Inaho sees a small, isolated creature, attempting to be scarier than it is. Inaho pays his debts, and his initial returns are towards that end. He brings snacks, and presents, since Slaine cannot tell him what he would like in return. This morphs over time into friendship encouraged by curiosity. Inaho actually sneaks into the palace library, and steals books about mer. He has never seen one before, and he is interested. Thus, any inherent hesitation towards touch on Inaho's side, is repressed. It is reiterated in books, that he cannot mess that up, as long as there is physical contact. This is an intentional difference from Asseylum who is gifted the resources to find out what Slaine needs, but instead assumes that she has been properly informed. Again, this compounds her shame when she realizes she was wrong. Inaho and Slaine take to each other exceptionally quickly. Slaine is less guarded than humans, wears his emotions on his sleeve, and doesn't use words, but body language to express himself. These are all things that Inaho observes closely, and learns to interpret. Inaho's interest turned companionship is also easy for him to rationalize, because he has come to understand it is something Slaine desperately needs. This is both liberating, and binding. Slaine needs him, and is not at all disturbed at his personality. He cannot say the wrong thing. This also leaves Inaho with a sense of insecurity. If even he can become so close to Slaine, simply by knowing what he needs, and providing for those needs, is Slaine really loyal to him or is he simply lacking the care and attention that someone else could more easily provide. At such a revelation, Inaho is intent that he will maintain this relationship, no matter what. Even if someone else comes along, his personal feelings will not change. Slaine quickly becomes one of the most important people in Inaho's life, and it becomes glaringly obvious to Yuki as well, who does not realize his new best friend is not human. His confidence when interacting with Slaine is the culmination of his own growth, which is largely introspective, culminating in Inaho's realization, that his own needs, and Slaine's needs, are actually not very different at all. For Slaine, Inaho is stability and warmth, and this is the person Inaho has decided he wants to be for Slaine. I think, constantly in this fic, Inaho is thinking 'What would Yuki do if I acted like Slaine', and instead of not knowing the implications of his actions, or worrying about them, he simply acts. He will know instantly if he has done something wrong with Slaine. I hope I have well portrayed this rather gradual shift in Inaho's sustained interest, gradual acceptance of physical reassurance -both received and given- and developing attachment to Slaine. Inaho takes a lot of initiative on his own to see to Slaine's emotional needs, while also fulfilling his own, but he could not consistently commit, because he was not granted access to the garden. He had to sneak in, or create diversions to allow himself entrance. The incident where Slaine pulls him into the water is a direct miscalculation on Inaho's part, and thus Inaho feels entirely responsible. At this point, Inaho asserts himself towards Asseylum, who is troubled about what she should do about Slaine trying to drown a servant (him). Despite nay saying, Inaho plainly explains the situation as it is, but this does little to reassure Asseylum, or those in charge of her care, who think she should just get rid of the animal. Inaho assures her that Slaine (he learns that Slaine's name is Slaine at this point in the story. You will observe that before this point, Slaine never mentions Inaho 'calling' him, because Inaho did not have a name for him.) is not dangerous, but suggests that if she is truly worried about his aggression, that removing his teeth is a way of making sure he shows less aggression, and will provide little to no lasting damage since the teeth will grow back. This is to placate those in charge of Asseylum's care (Cruhteo) without disposing of or seriously disfiguring Slaine in the process. Asseylum consents, and Inaho takes personal responsibility of the proceedings. His abilities to relate to Slaine, and his knowledge, encourage Asseylum to put him in charge of Slaine's care. With that in mind, Inaho must convince Slaine that he is still trustworthy. Inaho obviously takes a calculated risk in this endeavor, but as Slaine does time and time again, we see Inaho giving Slaine the benefit of any doubt. The two come together surprisingly fast, and under Inaho's watch, Slaine's treatment and general well being increases tenfold. He is even able to convince Asseylum that Slaine's needs are far different than what she had originally thought. 

Saazbaum

In light of the intentions behind gifting Slaine to Asseylum, it becomes quite obvious who exactly would have gifted him to her. Would Saazbaum be this cold? It's a good question. I am working under the assumption that everyone but Inaho and Asseylum see Slaine as a pet. I'm not sure if Saazbaum also believes this. I tend to think he knows more about Mer than anyone else in the canon. I do not believe that would stop him from using Slaine, or allowing someone else to abuse him. His debt to Slaine's father didn't stop him from letting Cruhteo take Slaine in the anime, and it didn't stop him from allowing Cruhteo to torture him either. I actually believe it was that moment, while Cruhteo was torturing Slaine, that he really saw what Slaine was capable of, what he could handle, and his loyalty. Slaine acted admirably in that scene within the anime, and I think alternatively, in this fic, I tried to subtly convey, that despite the abuse and neglect, that Slaine remained inherently good, and did not fall into the cycle of abuse that dictated he would become the abuser. I can see Saazbaum reacting to this with surprise, and a sort of admiration when Slaine defied the situation. Especially since it was one Saazbaum personally orchestrated. 

Trillram

In finding an optimal boogie man, who better fit the role than Trillram? Dumb, abusive, used Trillram. He is not so different from Slaine in situation. He is another pawn in Saazbaum's plan, but Slaine and he are put at odds from the start. Slaine's success, his dedication to understanding, trusting, and respecting Asseylum despite her neglect, is Trillram's failure. He did not torment, abuse, or disfigure Slaine enough to lash out. Of course, Trillram does not consider that Slaine is simply a stronger being than he anticipated. Trillram thinks of Slaine as a thing til the very end, something I reflected in Slaine's own narrative, as he is killing Trillram. This use of 'it' is important because Slaine also lowers Trillram to that level. Does he deserve that, or not? That's not my place to say. Trillram is understandably unhappy after witnessing the display of Slaine's trust at the party. He had hoped Slaine would do the dirty work on his own. With that no longer an option, he had to step up his own game, and did exactly that. After that first evening, it was Trillram that came forth, and claimed that while he visited the gardens the night before, Slaine had attempted to drown him. (Something Slaine in his right mind might have honestly done) He then apologized if any damage was done to Asseylum's property, but his testimony was plenty to persuade Cruhteo that it was a bad idea to keep Slaine at all. Inaho of course spoke up in Slaine's defense, and Asseylum certainly believed him, but the words of a servant who's job depended on Slaine's temperament, was hardly a reliable source. Not to mention that Trillram is a knight, and Inaho is a servant. Asseylum put her faith behind Inaho, and took part in his plans, unaware that she was Trillram's real target, and thus without alerting Cruhteo.

Cruhteo

The whole 'garden party' was to convince Cruhteo that Slaine was not dangerous, would not be dangerous, and could learn to interact with a wider range of people without danger. Ironically, this also resulted in the gardens being guarded less, which alternatively meant that when Slaine screamed the next night, no one was there to hear it. Cruhteo was against keeping Slaine from the start, and when Saazbaum told Asseylum not to get anywhere close, Cruhteo mirrored these beliefs. When Inaho broke into the scene (in a literal sense) and Cruhteo learned that he was encouraging Asseylum to interact with Slaine physically, he was adamantly opposed. Inaho knew the 'garden party' would be a strain on Slaine, but also was confident that Slaine could, and would handle it well. Inaho was right in both respects. Cruhteo was hesitant to get rid of Slaine after the display, but of course he refrained from outright justice, and did not want Asseylum visiting Slaine without Inaho present. Slaine's abrupt about face in demeanor according to Trillram's story, reverted his opinions back to the original stand point. In this, he is an authority figure of sorts, and I think Asseylum hesitates to outright disobey him, but in a physical sense, she has the final word. Despite this, he is in charge of her care, and he is justified in acting towards that end, even if it is against her will. 

 

Ending

Is Asseylum alive? Is she dead? It's a very good question. Certainly if she was able, she would have visited Slaine. Something is keeping her away, which is very obvious. Without her input, Inaho is only a servant, and the servant responsible for her injuries. He convinced her of this plan, he is the one in charge of Slaine. Without a doubt his allegiances would have been in question. Trilliam had claimed the Slaine wanted him dead the day before, the next day, he was dead. Asseylum's fate will remain a mystery, believe what you'd like. As for Inaho, do you trust him? The chips are down, does he have any option? The answer is not so simple, but Inaho has always found his way out of situations. If you do believe in Inaho, I think it is easy to see that there are possibilities. He didn't give Slaine the same kind of plant that he gave him before, but that could mean a number of things. It could be because Slaine is so physically unstable, it could be something of a stronger, or lower caliber than the first plant. Inaho's hesitancy, could be an obvious indicator of loss, but that does not necessarily mean death. No matter how you look at this scene, my biggest intent was that this was a parting. Be it death, or something else that separates these two is up to the reader. We know very clearly what Slaine expects, but he has been very wrong in the past as well. Even if Inaho returned Slaine to the ocean, who is to say he would be better off? Slaine is malnourished, refusing food, and highly depressed at this stage. He needs the care and attention of someone who cares about him. This whole scene could easily indicated that Inaho cannot do that, and that he is worried for his friend's future, one that he is not going to be a part of. As the person in charge of Slaine's care, Inaho would feel responsible that Slaine has ended up as badly as he has. This is a good bye scene. How you interpret that good bye, is entirely up to you. These two are parting, one way or another. How, is the question.


End file.
